Thursday, April 26, 2012

Joke #2


PLATO: For the greater good.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no duck has gone before.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all ducks will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the duck: "Thou shalt cross the road." And the duck crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more ducks have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The duck did not cross the road. I repeat, the duck did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the duck crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this duck doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the duck crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Duck 2000, which will not only cross the road, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. It is not compatible, however, with Duck 1997. Or Macintosh.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the duck cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the duck crossing? And what about the grassy knoll?"

DARWIN: Ducks, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the duck crossed the road or the road moved beneath the duck depends upon your frame of reference ...

JOHN F. KENNEDY: Don’t ask what the duck can do for the road, but what the road can do for the duck.

MOB STOOLIE: What duck? What road? I didn’t see nothing, hear? Nothing I tell you, you see? Yeah, that’s the ticket.

JOE PESCI: Duck? A duck crossed the f&#king road? Are you sure about that? In what universe does it take for a duck to cross the F%$king road? Are you sure about that duck crossing the road?!


MATLOCK: You know the duck crossed the road. I know the duck crossed the road. This whole court knows the duck crossed the road. The question isn’t if the duck crossed the road or even why it crossed the road. The question is, what road did the duck cross? I think you know the answer to that one, don’t you?

GARY COLEMAN: What you talking bout Willis?

MIKE WALLACE: Why did the duck cross the road? Find out next on 60 minutes.

ANDY ROONEY: Now, I’m not one to care about ducks crossing roads, but if you’re a road just minding your own business, wouldn’t you want to know why a duck would be crossing you? And if so, wouldn’t you be concerned about how long it would take a duck to cross you? Those webbed feet doesn’t make it any easier what with that hot pavement of the road scorching through, it’s enough to drive you crazy. Wouldn’t it have just been better if the duck didn’t cross the road? Or better yet, waited until night fall when the asphalt of the road was much cooler to walk on when crossing? I don’t even know why it’s so important for us to know the reasons why a duck would cross the road. Is it really any of our concern?


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