Saturday, December 24, 2016

Merry Christmas 2016

Oh, and one more thing ....... 




Thursday, December 15, 2016

Rash On My Ass - By Carroll Bryant

RASH ON MY ASS - By Carroll Bryant

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 
I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve
Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings
But instead I think that he stuffed me

When I was a kid I heard a rumor
In fact, you know, I think I can recall
Someone said that Santa had some problems
He was addicted to some drugs and alcohol 

At first I didn't want to believe it
I got mad and simply walked away 
Because the rumors got so fucking stupid
The moment someone said that he was gay

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 
I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve
Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings
But instead I think that he stuffed me

And so I decided to investigate 
Just to try and see what I could find
After talking to some elves and the reindeer 
What I did discover blew my mind

It really was a shock to my system
What to think and what not to believe
And So I guess there's only one solution
Just never go to sleep on Christmas Eve

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 
I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve
Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings
But instead I think that he stuffed me

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 
I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Ho, ho, ho ... ho, ho, ho, Santa Claus is ....... dead!

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Bad Santa (A Poem)


It was the night before Christmas and old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list
Miserable little brats, and ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa", what do I hear?
The old lady bitches because I work late at night
The elves want more money and the reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner got pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sends me a letter

They say I owe taxes, if that ain't damn funny 
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days they are all the pits 
They want the impossible, those greedy little shits

I spent the whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls, their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo-yo's, but there's no requests for them
They want computers and iphones, they think I'm IBM

If you think that's bad then just picture this
Try holding those brats with their pants full of piss
They squeeze my nose and grab at my beard 
And if I don't smile all the time then they think I am weird 

Flying through the air and dodging all the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job as there is no more enjoyment 
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

If there is no Christmas this year, now you know the reason
I found me a hot bitch, and heading SOUTH for the season

Merry Fucking Christmas you Ho, Ho, Ho's.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Carroll Bryant Fantasy Football 2016 Regular Season Results

I call them the sweet sixteen. Sixteen teams I played this season in 2016 and I had perhaps the greatest regular season in fantasy football than anyone in the history of fantasy football. lol

I had a team start off winning its first ten games. (Tampa Bay Lightning) That is the most wins I have ever had by any one team to start a season. The previous record for me was 8.

I guess I better go ahead and say that all sixteen of my teams made it to their league playoffs. Eight of those teams finished first in their league. None of my teams finished below third place in their respective league.When the average person gets 30% of their teams into the playoffs, then 100% becomes a dream come true. And in fact, the previous two years I had played a total of 20 teams and got 18 of those teams into the playoffs, so I'm doing pretty good here the past few years. Even three years ago I got 9 of 12 teams into the playoffs.

I been kicking some booty.

I normally do not post the results of my season until after the playoffs are over, however, because I got everyone of my teams into the post season, I am doing this celebratory post to honor this amazing feat. I will begin with the 8 teams that finished first in their leagues. The team record can be seen in the upper right corner with their first place standing next to it in parenthesis.

And now I will display the second place teams.

And now, the third place teams.

(Keep in mind that the top 4 teams of every league makes the playoffs.) 

And so there it is. My greatest fantasy football season in my 12 years of playing this game. My teams combined for a total record of 160 wins, 47 losses, and 1 tie. 

In my final week of the regular season, all 16 teams won their games. In the previous week, 15 teams won their games. I doubt I could ever have two weeks as great as the last two weeks of the season. A combined 31-1 record to finish the year. 

While the playoffs are set to begin, the next 2 weeks will decide how many of these 16 teams I can get into their league championship game. From there, it will take another 2 weeks before we know how many of my teams actually get to win their championship game. I will do a final post at that point. 

Meanwhile, I have to wonder if I peaked at this game. I mean, it's not going to get much better than this. Maybe it's time to retire from it. Maybe take next year off or just go back to playing ten teams or maybe even dropping down to maybe 5 or 6 teams or something. I don't know. But I will admit that while it's been a somewhat exciting year of fantasy football, it also kind of felt like I'm losing interest. It did begin to feel like a "chore" to go in and set my lineups from week to week, deal with injuries and fight for free agents all season long as those injuries piled up from one game to the next. 

I think I'm running out of steam. I'm also getting bored from watching any game that isn't Dallas Cowboys. Perhaps I should take at least a year off after this and see how I feel about it. I been playing for twelve years. Time to take a break. Besides, I think I want to take off next fall and travel the country for a few weeks or so. We'll see how it goes. For now, I have the playoffs to focus on.