Thursday, April 26, 2012

Carroll's Journal #20 (Stop it)

An interesting discovery this week, I came across an adult website with a picture of someone I know from Goodreads. She is in a very - shall we say - uncompromising position? O_o

However, it isn’t really her. It (the picture) has been superimposed. You can tell. Still, it blew me away when I saw it. My heart like, stopped for a minute. I doubt she knows about it. Maybe she does. I don’t know and I don’t care. She and I are not friends and I am forbidden to correspond with her so …. Not my problem.

If an older woman dates a younger guy, she’s a cougar. If an older man dates a younger girl, he’s a pedophile.

Is it me, or does Cornflakes taste better with bananas? And at night? I also partake in raisin bran from time to time. (Yes, with bananas too) Most cereals taste better with real fruit in it.

The NFL draft is upon us. I can’t wait to see what my teams do. I hope they don’t flub it up. Statistics say they probably will though. Well, at least I’m not a browns fan. Or Jets. LOL Just kidding. Or am I? O_o

Apple Jacks! Yeah buddy. Those are pretty awesome.

It looks like Jenny and I are not going to be moving into that apartment above hers. She wants our first place to be a house. That’s okay, I understand. And speaking of houses, I think I know where we can get one next year that will be on the open market. It’s in Columbus. (My agents house) Three bedrooms, 2 and a half baths, two car garage. Big yard with lots of young trees recently planted. A loft. Good neighbors. And best of all, I will be back in the big city. At the center of everything once again. Yeah, I don’t know how she is going to take it. Not sure at all.

Pizza is still tops on my list as a great breakfast treat. Cold pizza, that is.

If a little person kicks you in the leg, it’s hilarious. If you kick a little person in the leg, you’re under arrest.

So … basically what you’re saying is … you’re disappointed at me for looking at internet porn? Stop it! You know guys surf internet porn. Even the ones who say they don’t, trust me, they do. Oh yes, they do. And no, I am not addicted to porn. If I am then I am also addicted to oxygen, water and food.

Wait! What?

The loneliest feeling in the world: When you make a dating profile and no matches can be found.

Captain Crunch!

Have you ever missed someone so much that you went and did something foolish? I mean, really foolish? And afterwards you realized, you might not be able to un-do it? It’s kind of like when I wanted to impress this one girl when I was like sixteen years old and on my motorcycle, I went down into the drainage ditch in front of my house at a relatively high rate of speed and came out on the other side, ramping it, and flew into the air and towards the garage door, landing right in front of it (and right smack into it) where the impact of my body was thrust into the one of the small windows where I dangled momentarily for a few minutes after the impact.

I never knew so many people coming to my aid to see if I was okay. Or even still alive. Seeing how I never wore a helmet, that was a possibility. Yet, all I remember most is finally pulling myself out from the window and pulling out a huge shard of glass from my chest to which my mother felt needed some serious medical attention. They ended up putting like five stitches in the wound. Seriously though, I still think I could have done okay with spraying some WD-40 on it and slapping some duct tape across it.

Duct tape. Some people call it duck tape, but it’s really duct tape. Just saying.

I wonder if my picture has been used for some porno site? Nobody would ever believe me that I had nothing to do with it. There are some people out there who think I have already participated in an adult movie.

Seriously though, a Dr. Seuss book got banned in Canada? Now that’s something I figured would have happened in America first. It sure would be nice if we could get rid of communism once and for all, wouldn’t it? But in order to do that we would need to get rid of the Democratic and Republican parties and I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. It’s just that I would think people would get sick and tired eventually of fighting all the time about who’s communism works better. (Neither of them work!) Apparently they don’t grow tired of it nor do Americans grow tired of hearing it nor being unwilling pawns in their childish games. (And there’s your answer)

Yep, WD-40 and duct tape. Fruit Loops! Lucky Charms! They’re magically delicious.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why my girlfriend broke up with me. I thought we were the perfect match. She said it herself that it was the “little” things that made her happy. A perfect match I tell you!
Fruity Pebbles. Oh, wait! Chocolate pebbles. Oh yeah.

If I were to do a porno flick, I would call myself Buck Naked. If I were a girl, I would probably have to go with Anita Chubby Dick. Another good one would be, Maxx Cream. Although, Mick Slippyfist is kind of cool. I’m not too fond of the name, Dingle Berry. Poppycock McAnus just doesn’t sound right. Ricky Cucumber? I may as well drive a Porsche. How about Slappy Dangler? Some more girl names I would use if I were a female porn star would be, Ivanna Suckuoff or maybe, Youvanna Handjob. How about Cram Stroker? Haha (Making a pun for Bram Stoker.)

Okay, that’s enough of that. Stop it!

Success in life is a combination of knowledge and instincts. I’ve been getting by so far in life with instincts.

Honestly, that would be pretty freaking lonely. I mean, no matches? At all? What-so-ever?

It does feel good though to be in a relationship with a girl who doesn’t seek emotional validation of any kind from others. To find one so confident with themselves is a rarity now-a-days, I think. We get so caught up in the culture of telling our kids that they can be anybody they want to be and do anything they want to do that we forget to help them find out who they really are and what they really want. Heck, we forget to help them find out what it is they are actually good at. We get so wrapped up in pushing our children to do what we want them to do that they don’t have the time anymore to discover what it is they are actually good at. My nephews little league baseball team is proof of that.

Side note: When you’re kid is supposed to be playing third base, but instead, he (or she) is chasing a butterfly in the stands … yeah, you might want to reconsider baseball as an employment option for their future. Hey, the world could use butterfly collectors too.

This Google Earth is whack!

I just thought of something, if I was Jesus, I would probably be an alcoholic what with the power of turning water into wine. Then again, I don’t really care for wine that much. It gives me heartburn. No, if I were Jesus, I would turn water into whiskey and whiskey into grape soda, just to mess with people’s head.

I can picture my mother right now after reading that last paragraph. “Stop it, Carroll! Just stop it now! Don’t you be talking about Jesus like that young man!”

Another TSA story in the news. Another child incident. Really? We need to take the “pat-down” to such a sexual extreme with children? Obviously, the terrorists have won. Their goal was to change our way of life and thrust us into fear and sure enough, they did. They win. Let’s send them a trophy for their effort. Here is my message to TSA across America - Stop it! Stop it now! A-holes.

Which is better? Full service … or … Fool service?

Another prom story in the news as well. A girl wearing the colors of the confederate flag was denied entry to her prom. Hey, communists, stop it! This is America. People, you need to withdraw your heads from your sphincters A.S.A.P. This “political correctness” crap has gone way too far. And by the way, did you know that the term “political correctness” started in communist Russia in the early to mid 70’s? Yes, it did. It was first spoken publicly by a member of the Russian Communist Party. So, if you are a practitioner of “political correctness”, then you might want to reevaluate your position. O_o

Just saying.

Word game time: Here are four different words with similar meaning. 1) Communist. 2) Socialist. 3) Progressive. 4) Political correctness.

Sugar Smacks! Sugar Pops! Rice Crispies!

My football teams drafted who? Mark Barron and Morris Claiborne? … I guess that’s okay.

Now I read where we are arresting female rape victims because they are having a difficult time sitting on the stand to face their rapist during trial. Really? That’s where our society has evolved to? We’re arresting rape victims? Sweet Sally Jessi Raphael.

And on top of that, we’re arresting people who can’t pay their debts? Really? If that’s the case, then why aren’t we arresting our politicians for the HUGE debt America keeps piling up day to day to day? Really? Our solution in America is to arrest poor people?


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