Thursday, July 26, 2012

Carroll's Journal #40 (Back 2 Normal)

First of all I would like to say that this will be the last of me discussing the events of recent days. I am wrapping it up with this journal. (Unless otherwise provoked directly) I want to sum up my thoughts while my thoughts are in the ‘sum up’ mode.

I understand people have a right to speak their opinion. I have always encouraged that. But just as you have a right to speak that opinion, so do I have that right as well. The bottom line is, I was attacked for it. (Or so goes the claim) In hindsight, I was attacked on a personal level and not just because of the content of that blog. I was attacked by people who know nothing about me other then what was told to them. And this scares me.

It’s amazing to me what so many people will choose to believe what they read on the internet. It also amazes me that without knowing a person, or a situation, that so many people would say some of the meanest things about another person whom they know absolutely nothing about. What happened to me was a blatant attempt to try and ruin my career as a writer.

Attempt failed.

I will continue to write and publish my books. That will never change. I will also continue writing my poetry and my songs.

I have heard that there have been some things going on at GR. Changes being made. I’m not sure if that is true or not. I hope so. I also hope those changes are positive. And that what happened to me doesn’t happen to anybody else, period. Writer or blogger.

Things could have always been handled differently. From Patrick Brown and on down the line to my attackers. If something can be learned from it, then maybe it wasn’t all in vain and some good can come from it.

Personally, I do not believe there is a war between authors and bloggers. I think it is a war between bitter individuals on both sides who then get their “friends” involved to try and help get their point across when in fact, the point gets lost inside of all the “You’re a pedophile” remarks or “You’re a fag” remarks. Useless, pointless and unhelpful remarks like that coming from the mouths of ignorant people who are consumed with hate. Self centered individuals who perhaps in real life, have no real life. Or maybe they are ignored in real life where their opinion is spoken because all that comes out of their mouth, when asked, is “You’re a pedophile” or “You’re a fag”. And let’s face it, it is much easier to ignore these people in real life than the internet.

My grandfather once told me “when people have too much to complain about, they have nothing to complain about because they complain about everything.” And I think this is true with many people.

The question of my creepiness was always a favorite topic of discussion.

From the mods of my personal GR group and the many members. All the way to my friends, of all the people I have ever corresponded with, male or female, young or old alike, which was hundreds and hundreds of them during my stint on GR, none of them had I ever engaged in any sexual conversation. For some, there was flirting and teasing, and maybe joking around but it was all innocent. But nothing dirty. And not once did I ever volunteer to call anyone under the age of 18. And not once, had I ever attempted to get anyone to ever meet me. There were a few authors whom I had the pleasure of meeting during their book signings when they were holding them near by. We met, went to dinner and enjoyed each other’s company. None of them were minors.

To be honest, I am glad I am no longer a part of Goodreads.The only reason I battled with the notion to delete my authors account was because ever since the 2012 year began, I realized that no respecting or serious author would be an active member of Goodreads. Just ask Meg Cabot or Stephen King. Sure, they have a profile there, perhaps humorously or such, but they don’t go in and interact with people. That has to be saying something and gives credence to that belief. The only reason I did not delete my own account was for the people who didn’t want me to go. For my friends, my group, and my fans. Now that that decision has been made for me, I am somewhat relieved. The best part is, now Jude can't stalk me anymore. or maybe she can, I don't know, but I don't care, she can't get to me anymore and that is a good thing. No! That is a great thing.

Wait! What? I thought I was in love with her? ... Oh, that's what the rumor mill is, okay. never mind. Haha

I never said I was perfect. I never said I was a Saint and I never tried to pass myself off as one either. I know I joke around a lot and sometimes, a joke can go too far. I am the Olympic gold medal winner of that. I certainly never meant to hurt anyone though. I always answered any question anyone sent me. I felt if someone took the time to ask me something, I owed them the time to answer. I take great satisfaction of knowing that I had reached out and helped a lot of young people who are finding it difficulty being a kid. I will worry about them now that I am not there for them to go to, but there are some amazing adults of which I have the pleasure of knowing who are there and will help those youngsters with their problems. Fortunately, none of them were a part of the attack on me. Those were not adults. Those were minions.

I guess Goodreads became a burden for me, taking up a lot of my time that I could better use elsewhere. And now, I will. My life will go back to the way it was before only, better. Minus me missing my closest friends and the youngsters I loved to help. My writing will be better for it too. After all, like I tried to tell to all the young aspiring writers I had the pleasure of meeting, write for yourself and nothing else. If you like it, then trust me, it is good.

All of my posts will remain up. It is a documented history of events that had occurred in my life. I would be cheating future readers of my blog out of that history if I remove them. Call it me being honest with my past. “The best thing about my past is that it can never be my future.” (You can quote me on that) LOL So do not ask me to take anything down. Everything stays. I want people to know that when I was attacked, I tried to stand my ground. I did stand my ground. That in itself is my victory, and my proudest moment. While all that garbage everybody put out there is still out there lurking about and people will probably be stumbling across it now and then, that when they are led to here from it, they will see that I did not go quietly into the night. Believe it or not, there are actually some people who respect that.

But I have learned one major important thing, that GR is just another form of social site. Nothing more, nothing less. And that’s all it really is. But in the end, I prefer the more important social site of them all … real life. Like my grandfather would tell me if he were still alive today …. “Dude, it’s the internet. Now get in here and finish watching the football game with me. They are showing the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders!”

On Friday, July 20th, 2012 - the beginning of the end occurred.

On Sunday, July 22nd, 2012 - The end arrived.

On Friday, July 27th, 2012 - The new begins.

And with it …. Everything going back to normal. (I hope)

Thanks to “Stop The Good Reads Bullies” for all of their support.

Thanks to Goodreads Follies for their wonderful advice.


  1. I would hate having the authors leave GR - part of the reason I have, in the past, enjoyed that site so much is because I can interact with authors; it was there I made most of my contacts for editing, and I've made a lot of new friends with authors. I would hate to have even more of them leave, just Cassandra Duffy just left due to the attack upon her (which devolved into an attack upon me for trying to calm people down). Interacting with authors is part of the fun, and I would hate to see this idea take root.

  2. I've been a member of that group (still am), a mod of that group, and a friend (and I hope a good friend at least). I can confirm everything. We enjoyed our jokes, with everyone of our friends. We played a lot, flirting, pretending of being sisters, brothers etc. We were (we are) a big family. Even though the Head of the family now had to leave us, and we somewhat feel a break in the family and we miss him, we know he'll be always there for anyone who needs his help. And we'll always be there for him.
    Well i speak for myself at least. I will always be there for you. I always have.
    And even though you're no longer part of that group officially, you can still help those kids from here. They know where to find you if they need you. And they'll be fine anyway. They're amazing kids. Crazy but amazing xD lol

    I really hope this is the end of that mess. It was getting really complicated. And off topic.

    Wish you some peace and relax now. Enjoy the summer time that remains. Don't let anyone ruining your life.
    And remember that I love you, Crazy Carz.

  3. Thanks Sara, I love you too.

    Just so you all know, Ira is in charge of moderating all comments. She told me there were a few bad ones, but I didn't want to know what they said. You know they get moderated and you say what you say not to be published, but just so my eyes can see them. Well, my eyes do not see them. Your words do not get to my brain. And ignorant comments do not get published anymore. New policy.

  4. That's a good thing. The only way for you to try and move on. And with you not reading and answering the comments, they'll finally tire of this and will move on too.

  5. Reading your post... Wow that kinda worries me. I have 4376 books in my read file and I use GR to keep track of them and it's too many if I was to lose my account or be 'deleted'. Maybe finding another location or means to keep track of all my books might have to be considered for future.

    It's down right shit what was done to you Carroll. You were in my friends and I still consider you one. Missing having you are that group you were running and can I say that if someone threw slandering words at my as the ones you clearly identify there'd be charges and one hefty lawsuit on the perpetrators hands that would make their head spin in a 360.

    I apologize in advance for posting this Anonymous, but from falling your blog and reading the warnings, the last thing I need is to have the 'harassment' aimed in my direction. My health is not the best and this would be a serious set back for me.

    Take care and whatever you do, do not delete this blog at least!

    Later, man.

  6. I've had limited contact with you on GR, although you were actually I think the second 'friend' I made on GoodReads. It's terrible what happened to you. But I'm glad you're rising above all the shit storm that was created and continuing your life. I'll continue to follow you blog, and think that you deserve some R&R after all that.

    1. R and R has been wonderful. Getting some sun, some sleep, having lots of fun at the fair and everything. Yep, sometimes what might seem bad at first turns out to be the best thing ever. Of course, I could have done without all the gang bullying, LOL, but my name did go viral for a weekend and stuff so ... gotta look at the silver lining, right? LOL

      Thanks Loony, you made my day. :D


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