A spider bit me! Right on the freaking leg. Lower calf. It hurt like a mother. I don’t know if it was poisonous or not. Well, I didn’t know it at the time. (It happened a couple of days ago) I don’t know if we have any poisonous spiders in Ohio. I’m sure we do. I think. Maybe. Anyhow, it wouldn’t have mattered. After it bit me, I got so steaming mad I squashed it a thousand times to Sunday. I figured if it were poisonous then I was probably a dead man so I made sure I killed it before I died. I figured we would finish our ‘fight’ in hell. Together. LOL
Statistics show that people who have the most birthdays, live the longest.
I got to watch that ‘Hatfield’s and McCoy’s’ special on the History channel recently. It was a three day mini-series (two hours each) starring Kevin Costner, Bill Paxon, Tom Beranger, Mare Winningham. It was pretty good. And here I thought that feud started over a chew-spitting contest that went awry.
Been having some more of them bizarre dreams. Most recent, my ‘other’ sister (the one I don’t talk to) put together a surprise birthday party for me and invited a girl I used to know from Goodreads whom I no longer speak to. She flew her in all the way from another coutnry. I came walking out of the door of the house and stopped dead in my tracks just looking at her. My sister by my side telling me that she wanted to make up for the things she said and done so she thought she would invite her to the party. I was shocked that she even came. Like I told my sister, “But … she hates me.”
We avoided each other for the most part while we each mingled separately to laugh and play with the children that were there. (My nephew and his friends) when suddenly, a van full of masked militants showed up with machine guns and started to disperse in the area. I looked at my sister who shook her head ‘no’ because she knows me all too well. I ignored her and the girl she brought to the party, who was also shaking her head ‘no‘, and I slowly approached one of the gunmen who was also approaching me. I had my hands up, not knowing if they came here to harm anyone, but then why would you be carrying a machine gun if you had no intentions of harming someone, right?
Anyhow, when I got close enough to the masked man, I grabbed his weapon and flipped him over my hip/shoulder and took his gun away and shot him then started shooting the rest of the masked armed men. I was doing pretty good too until one of them came up on me from behind and put the barrel of their weapon to my head. I rolled my eyes and realized I was a dead man. (I hate when that happens)
Then I woke up.
I guess that’s not as strange as the dream I had of my mother meeting some old trucker dude who has a son about my age and when my mother decided to go on the road at her age and in her bad health, I had a tissy fit over it. This man ignored me but his son started in, laughing and trying to humiliate me. Thinking I was a push-over. My younger sister and her husband and little boy was there and she made donut-cakes for breakfast. (It’s this thing I invented where you mix pancakes with donuts. It’s pretty good.) Anyhow, she made enough for her, her husband, her little boy and me. But when she put my plate on the table, that mans son sat down in my chair to eat it. He was laughing and mocking me while he took his fork and started to dig in. I walked over to him and slammed his head to the table and held it there. I took the fork of food he had and started stuffing it in his mouth. “You like that, bitch?” I yelled.
His head was squirming and he was calling out for help but my sister and her husband was just sitting there eating. My little nephew screaming, “My Uncle Bubby is tough.” - And then I woke up.
I also had a dream that I got married. I don’t want to talk about that one. It also involved that girl from the dream where my other sister invited her to my birthday. Would that be classified as a nightmare? LOL Just kidding. O_o
Or am I?
The irony of life is, that by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.
I’m making new friends at a fast rate, losing old ones even faster. LOL
The reason you guys haven’t seen me on Goodreads much and stuff is that I have a minor medical issue I am dealing with so …. You know … nothing to get your panties all twisted and up in your crack. Unless you like your panties twisted and all up in your crack …. In which case … twist away!
I should be finding out this week if that kid is mine. (She’s not) Just a formality. Seriously, it’s not my kid. (Say it enough times and it becomes true) Haha - “Oh, that’s an old wives tale.”
Took my mother to Roosters last Friday. We both had a hankering for some wings. My mother says she likes talking with me because I am the only one who can relate somewhat to what she is going through with dad. I only agreed to a point. Yes, I know what it’s like to be abandoned however, she and I were only together for a short while, not as long as my parents were and … my situation was internet - not really real.
Still, she knows I know her pain. This means that maybe for the next few months mom and I become best buds?
Wait! … What? O_o
Anyhow, we had a good time. Midway into our mini feast, one of the waitresses overheard our conversation. My mother was on her phone online looking at the cover for my next book that I posted on my blog. Anyhoot, the waitress poked her head in and saw my name and said, “Carroll Bryant? I know that name. I read his book, Last Flight Out, on my ipad a couple of weeks ago.”
My mother got to do her proud mother dance by nodding her head in my direction. “That’s him. That’s Carroll Bryant. That’s my son.”
And then it happened. A small ruckus broke out and I was swindled into signing a few autographs. Thanks mom. Okay, so we got some free chilli-fries out of the deal. That was cool. But still, you have to stop being so proud. LOL Show a little restraint. Not everybody in the world needs to know who I am. It feels like I’m losing more and more privacy everyday.
Then of course came the bill. The whole order came to like 12 dollars and some change. I slip a twenty spot and was prepared to leave. My mother catches it. “You’re leaving her an eight dollar tip for a twelve dollar bill?”
“She did give us free chilli-fries.” I pinpointed.
“Well then, if you’re going to leave her that much of a tip then the chilli-fries weren’t actually ’free’, now were they?”
I was shocked. This coming from a woman who spent most of her working life as a bartender/waitress. I scratched my head. “Well, she also has a nice ass which I clearly enjoyed looking at every time she passed our booth.” I told her with a shit eating grin.
My mother rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t that nice of an ass.”
I snapped my fingers. “Oh, it is a fine little ass.”
“For an eight dollar tip, you would think she would have let you smack that ass.”
“Better yet,” I highlighted for her, “another twenty bucks and I could have gotten a lap-dance.”
“Don’t sas your mother.”
*** And scene ***
Yep, if this is a sign of things to come for the next few months, it is going to be a long summer.
Maybe the next time, it will be another of those bizarre dreams.
But of course, the ride back to her house was not going to be a silent one in the least. The same old conversation in respects to my womanizing ways emerged. Mother wanted to get serious for a moment and talk about the status of Jenny and I.
I had to inform her of the obvious.
You see, I believe that every girl has this one thing about her that truly makes her tick. And the guy who can find that one thing on a girl, gets that girl for life. I had a girl once that I wanted to find her one thing so freaking bad. I tried my best to find it. I didn’t find it and I lost the girl. The problem with Jenny and I is … the past. I just can’t get past the past. Well, I can’t get past the feeling of loss. The pain.
Maybe next time, it will be another of those bizarre dreams.