Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Carroll's Journal #26 (The Hangover)


I wasn’t too sure about the plane. It’s not the same one I took when I went to San Diego in last winter. I was assured that it would make it. I was also assured that if it didn’t, and I dead, I would probably become famous. You know how dead people’s work start selling when they are …. Dead.

So, I risked it.

Three other people accompanied us on the trip. A man and a woman with their 12 year old daughter. They appeared as if they were on a mission for Brigham Young. (No offense Sarah) The daughter sat next to me. (Surprise!) And freaked me out with those goo-goo eyes the whole trip. It was like being watched by one of those kids from “Children of the Corn”. (No offense, Stephen King)

I tried to get some sleep. I really did. Waking up with the “corn” kid head on my shoulder wasn’t helping my nerves one bit. Her mother sitting looking on with an even creepier smile on her face. “Looks like somebody has a crush on you.”

Great mom, way to go, make me feel like Warren Jefferies why don’t you? (No offense to Warren Jefferies.)

Wait! … What?

Low and behold, we made it. And not a moment too soon either. No, seriously, we didn’t arrive any moment sooner than what we did. We arrived exactly when we got there. True story.

Of course, I had to put up with the occasional pep talk along the way. Everybody soon found my personal life quite the topic of conversation. Isn’t it funny how complete strangers just automatically know what’s best for you? That lady was sweet, but really? “Maybe it’s for the best. As for that other girl, she isn’t the right one for you.”

“No, she is. She is the right one for me. I’m just not the right one for her.”

Anyhow, let me deal. And deal with it I did, in a limo that took me and my friend to our hotel. Talk about grand style. I could hear that Miley Cyrus song playing in my head. (Okay, maybe it was playing on the radio.) So I’m a nerd, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

It’s a party in the U.S.A.


I managed to get online a time or two early on. And I did wake up early too. I decided to go hang out down on North Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. (Pretty Woman style) I ended up on Wilshire Blvd. How did that freaking happen? Anyhow, I found a nice place to sit and enjoy a Cappuccino. I don’t normally drink that crap, but it was Beverly Hills and it seemed fitting. I ended up being mistaken for an actor. That was a fun conversation. (You can read it in my Goodreads group in the topic, “Funny Conversations”) I’ll leave a link to it at the bottom if I remember.

For the most part, Thursday was spent sightseeing and going down to the beach. Santa Monica. Oh yes, if you’re going to go to Los Angeles then you must go to Beverly Hills and Santa Monica while you’re there. You must! You simply must!


While my friend was off doing his thing with that record label, I decided to go take a tour of Hollywood! You know, drive around and creep out the stars. (Okay, fine! I was looking for Miley.) Shut-up. LOL

It’s a party in the U.S.A.

I didn’t find her, but I did go by Spielberg’s house. I think it was his house. Maybe it was Olivia Newton John’s house. Who knows? All I know is that I went by some houses. I almost went in to the Museum of Death. I was thinking of my friend Cici at that time. LOL I don’t know why. I thought it would be something she would be interested in. Alas! I ended up on the Hollywood walk of fame checking out the stars. (Literally) I almost didn’t make it back to hotel in time to go to that stupid party.

Okay, everybody at once, repeat after me …. LAME!

I don’t know who taught you people how to party, but trust me, you’re doing it all wrong! I soon got bored and forced my friend to take me and two other girls out on the town in the limo. That’s pretty much where the party both started and ended. I don’t know their names but then again, does it matter? They were hot. They made the limo look a lot nicer and they were pretty good company. Not much for conversationalists, then again, who cares, right?

I am so freaking blonde!

There is nothing like watching Elvis Presley on your laptop in the movie “Viva Las Vegas” while on your way to Las Vegas. I almost forgot that my hometown, Chillicothe, Ohio is mentioned in that movie.

(Blonde moment coming up)

Something unusual occurred this morning when I woke up. I realized that fate and destiny were just words. Their meaning as insignificant as a ghost. Or perhaps equal to. I’m going to harden my heart.

(Blonde moment next)

Also unusual is that I got my dates mixed up. I’ve been thinking that I was going to the Rick Springfield concert on Sunday, May 12th. Which would have been fine except the 12th of May falls on Saturday! We were halfway to Lake Tahoe before I realized that we were going to Lake Tahoe. I wasn’t even paying attention from watching the Elvis movie and being dog-ass tired.

That’s it, I am dying my hair!

Oh well, that’s fine with me. I was still excited. Worked out perfectly. Afterwards, we headed straight to Vegas. We are leaving from there Monday afternoon to go back home. Meanwhile, of course, I feel like such an idiot.

As for the concert, classic Rick!

And by the way, it was the first time I have ever been to Lake Tahoe. It’s a very nice place. I like it.
Meanwhile, bring it on. It’s been a while since I was here. I hope it hasn’t gotten too …. Crappers, it did. It got lame. Not too lame. Just a little lame. Or maybe I am getting too old for this. That or it is Sunday and Mother’s Day so … oh well, I made the best of it.

My friend and I got separated for a while. I don’t know where he went, but I went walking around. I called up some family I have living there and we went out to eat. Afterwards, I resumed my walking around like a zombie for hours until I got thirsty and had to find a watering hole, making a new friend along the way. Finally, I made it back to the hotel.

Man, I sure do miss California.

There was a lagging concern in way of my … shall we say … promiscuity? The worry being of course, scratching my itch. Interestingly enough, I haven’t had an itch that needed scratching the whole time. Obviously, I still have a girlfriend. Maybe not a future wife anymore, but we’re still like … a couple? But that wasn’t it. I just wanted to hang out and have fun without all the excess crap that can often times surround my idea of fun. Maybe it is because half the time during the trip I never knew what freaking time it was. I would grab a nap here and there and that was pretty much it.

Like I mentioned earlier, I have met a couple new friends. Who knows, if I am ever back out this way again and 100 percent single, I guess anything is possible. But for me, the important thing was to cleanse my inner workings. (I don’t know what that means, but it sounds gross.) Okay, I do know what it means. It means, I had to get a few things straight in my head. Ever since the flight out, where I was being entertained with the wisdom of an “Amy Grant” wannabe, I have never talked about a certain someone.

Now that’s progress!

However, I have done a lot of thinking. Looking deep into all the meaning of everything. It’s now perfectly clear what the truth is. I now fully understand the situation. The brick that my heart was carrying has been dislodged from my arteries and oxygen has once again been restored to my brain. I have rediscovered an old saying of mine from years past.

Nothing is ever destiny. Nothing is ever fate.

How’s that for a kick in the head? And believe me, I needed that kick too. I mean, I got to look back the past year or year and a half of my life. Everything changed for me when I created my music CD in September of 2010. One thousand copies. 900 of them sold before my first book was released 7 months later. Then I became an independent “published” author. My rookie year on Goodreads was filled with many mistakes. It is a learn as you go process. I had never been on a social website before. Sure, I did the AOL thing back in the day, late 90’s and up to about 2003, 2004. And I certainly wasn’t prepared to meet anyone and the very least, fall in love with someone over the stupid internet. I mean, come on.

But I did meet someone. That led me to neglecting my book(s) along the way and a whole other mess of crap that I look back on and … wow … really? I did that? But these are things I had to learn. Things I had to go through. The number one piece of advice I got from Bruce Willis himself was, “Don’t let it get personal.” All I have to do is my thing, and hope to make a few friends along the way. Instead, I got bombarded by girls and propositions. Girls on the other side of the planet even. I mean, I scratch my head sometimes and wonder, “Is real life that difficult that you try and find somebody online?”

Look who’s talking. Mr. Falling In Love himself. Maybe I just got too involved in my own self pity after my accident. “Woe is me.” Right? I got more involved with people on Goodreads than I planned. I let it get personal. But that’s okay, to a point. It should have always remained friends. I should have never tried to coax myself into anything more. But I did. And I paid the price for that. A hefty price in my book. Still, I do have some awesome friends on Goodreads. That, I will never regret. But trying to find love? I don’t think so. It’s just too easy for people to lie. To masquerade behind the screen. It’s just too risky.

No, I can never do that ever again. And yes, I have finally gotten over that hurdle.

My flight back home was nothing more than me taking a good hard look at Carroll Bryant the man. The writer. My rookie year as a published author was indeed filled with “rookie” mistakes. I can do better than that. I will do better than that. It has to be all about the work. It has to be all about friends. That’s it. (Family is a given)

I need to make some changes. I will be making some changes. Much to the chagrin to some people, I’m sure.

One of the things I realized with this trip is, you can’t please everyone. I have a bad habit of wanting everybody to like me and that’s just an impossibility. Here I was freaking out over one person who thinks I am creepy. I creep her out? (I can see that. I creep myself out sometimes) But as time slowly passed, she actually started to creep me out a little. (And that isn’t easy to do.)

Insert shrugging shoulders here à (____________)

So, I would like to say you will be seeing a new me. The truth is, it’s the old me coming back around. Either way … I am cured. This house is clear. Now, does this mean I continue to have a negative outlook on love? No. I guess it’s okay. It may not be for me. I’m still in no hurry to get married, but I think going through what I went through might help me in the future. I really do. It was bound to happen anyway only, next time, I might want it to be a “real” relationship as opposed to a digital one.

I do have one major hangover though. Yeah buddy!


Okay, well, my return was not that great. I have discovered a few things that have taken place since I left and I am furious to say the least. I am not going to divulge just yet what has occurred as I am in the process of trying to figure out what to do about it. Rest assured, once I can come up with a resolution, of I can come up with a resolution, I will share it. Until then, I have to reevaluate a few things. This means, of course, I may be spending some serious time with my Madden and X-Box. I think better when I am playing Madden. I don’t know why. But anything that could go wrong, did go wrong while I was away.

My body feels like I just went 15 rounds with Rocky Balboa in his prime and two wars with Rambo. That’s some serious hurt right there. Mental fatigue and physical fatigue happening at the same time. Time to rest up on both ends then gets to work on some things. Especially on my current situation. Where’s the Tums when you need it?

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