It’s that time of year where all of us need to step back and pay our respects for the wonderful women in our life who took the time out of theirs to give birth to us.
For my mother, I know it wasn’t easy squeezing my watermelon sized head out of such a tight space. Not that it was too tight, I mean, let’s face it, my mother got around. She’s been to the other side of the block and back. Still, one day out of the year is all that is expected of us to appreciate the many hours of labor to give us this life we have. For my mother, that would be what, eight hours? Ten? Twelve? It doesn’t matter, it was still longer than the time it took during my conception and … may I say … a whole heck of a lot more painful. After all, daddy was no “stud”. It wasn’t like he was built in that department. Endowed he is not. In fact, I have heard mother ask him over the years who he expected to please with that little thing. Obviously, he wasn’t pleasing mother. (Maybe he was pleasing that bitch he has been sleeping around with for the past year and now has shacked up with)
But face it mother, there had to be some kind of magic in that wand or else I wouldn’t be here. Right? … What do you mean I resemble the mailman?
Seriously though, Mother’s Day is special. For some of us anyway. Maybe most. And here I am in California slash Nevada getting my happy on. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss you mother dearest. It just means I am here and you are there but if we try real hard, we can meet in the middle with our thoughts. Since I have bi-polar, my concentration span is lacking thus, would you mind going the extra mile (or 1500) and just think your thoughts all the way here? Thanks.
Seriously again, (and this time, I mean it) I love you mother. You know this. At least give me credit for getting this day right after my big flub-up on Valentine’s Day with …. with … what was her name? Oh, yeah, with her, what's her name?
Anyhow, I will be back before you know it mother and when I do, this Thursday will be “Your Day” part two. And I want to know what my siblings did for you or got you so I can out do them. Because I love you more than all of them put together times ten.
Wait! What? … What was that? …. Fine! Times a billion. There, you happy?
You always nagged me about how I should always show you a little respect. Well, mother, you may find this hard to believe, but I always showed you as little respect as I possibly could.
Wait for it …. Wait for it ….. Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Just kidding.
I don’t know why you even had me to begin with. I have done nothing my entire life except give you massive headaches and worried sleepless nights. Mostly through high school, but let’s face it, grade school with me was no picnic either, am I right? Am I right?
Especially when I went through my motorcycle dare-devil days.
And the girls I would get invovled with. (Remember her?) LOL
I know you thought at one time that I would probably end up giving you about a hundred grandchildren from about 200 different girls, and now you wonder if I will ever give you one.
Wait! What? …. That number doesn’t add up?
And I know you wonder if breast feeding me until I was 3 years old was a mistake. Obviously, it was a habit that I picked back up in my early teen years and continues on through to this day. (Just with other girls) But I promise, mother, I will try and kck that habit as soon as I .... Oh, who am I fooling? I'm never kicking that habit. I may stop smoking someday, but breast feeding is forever! LOL
Yet here we are, the road we traveled as mother and son. We have had some heated arguments about foolish things that were actually very meaningful at the time. Through it all, you allowed me to be me. You allowed me to go my own path regardless of how it made you cringe. I only have one question …. Are you nuts? Do you see what happens when you let your child choose for themselves? They become writers! Holy sweet Jerusalem in July.
But hey, the past is the past, it’s all water under the bridge. If there was still water then it would be under the bridge but as it is, it’s dry due to global warming. But if there were water under the bridge then it would all be water under the bridge. That I am pretty confident of.
But I digress, and this time I mean it. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I love you mom. And I know you love me too.
Now, if only we could have a “Favorite Son Day”.
Oh, I’m sorry big brother, does that hurt your precious feelings? Well, too bad, stop getting arrested and going to jail you idiot, you’re breaking your mother’s heart.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL MOTHER’S OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!
A lot of people don't know that I wrote the song, "Forever Things (Flight Of The Raven)", for my mother.