Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Carroll's Journal #3 (The Batman)

Dave called me today and told me that somebody recommended that I come back to Goodreads under another name. My first thought was, I could come back as Batman. Then I realize that would be ridiculous. I mean, if I come back I would want to come back as me. And if I were to come back right now, I would just probably go straight to my “edit profile” section and click the good ole delete button. David knows this, which is why he still refuses to give me my new password.

Are you having fun being me David? LOL

Now watch someone go into Goodreads and make a Batman account, and everyone will think it’s me. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the ass?

I have often dreamed of being a superhero. Of being The Batman! Good thing I’m not right now, my hernia has put me down for a few weeks and right now, if I were Batman, Gotham would be in chaos what with that damn Joker always up to no good.

I am faced with the biggest decisions I can ever recall recently that I have had to make, outside of leaving Goodreads. I am afraid that what I decide will destroy one of the best friendships I ever had with anybody on Goodreads. It is going to break my already broken heart. This decision isn’t about me pulling the trigger on what might be best for my writing in the future, should I ever return to Goodreads, but I have to decide if my manager should make the call. And I know what he wants to do.

You see, he uncovered something suspicious. His goal is to rid my group and everything surrounding me and my writing of all the drama. He wants to eliminate anyone who may have a hand in stirring it all up. My feelings more so. Of course, we all know the main source for this part of the drama however, he may have uncovered some new players in the circle. While no concrete evidence is there to support his suspicions, the uncanny coincidence is too great to ignore.

He is only trying to look out for my best interest.

I wish these two cats would leave it alone for just one night. Every night, outside my window, the same scratch and bite. It is driving me loco.

Their screeches and hisses sound like my heart and soul, at war with other. Two felines trying to make love again.

Why does that comfort me so much?

Deprived of my conscience, something has to give.

I guess my mother was right, she said that often times, we have to make choices out of love and not all of those choices will reflect that love. In the end, one has to decide what is more important to one’s well being. Mental well being. To even think that someone who lives deep in my heart could even possibly betray me is unfathomable.

But the probability of it isn’t.

All I ever wanted in life was a girl to like me for me. All my life girls only wanted one thing, to be swept away by my blue eyes. I have lived inside of lonely because of it. I think the reason I am so involved in my emotions towards this Jude girl is because, I know she is kind of chubby, but she had in the beginning such a warming personality and I fell for that. And I wanted her to like me for me and nothing else. Not because I have blonde hair or blue eyes to die in or because I can write songs, poems and books … just like me for me.

I am a human being too, damn it!

I figured if I couldn’t get her to do that then I would not be able to get anybody to.

I have lost faith in humanity again.

Now what?

What happens to Gotham City when Batman dies? Robin takes over the crusade?

Really? Robin? you’re kidding right?


I’d rather be The Joker.

Looking out of my window, I can see the Bat signal.

I close my curtains.

Bruce Wayne is going to bed now.



  1. Well, one thing I can assure you: I like you for you.
    What made me like you?
    Your kindness, your sweetness at times, your being fun and making jokes, your personality. The way you always could make me smile even in the darkest of my moments. Or the times you made me cry but it was actually a good cry, something sweet. :)
    Your blue eyes? It just added to the things I like about you. Your being a writer or a poet is a good thing, yeah, but that's not what makes a person a Friend.
    You've got bad luck in finding women with heart full of evil feelings. But not everyone, not every girl, is like them.
    I just hope you'll get over her soon. She's not worth all this pain.

  2. I have to agree with Sara here, I like you for you. I always used to say, when is someone going to like me for who I am and not what they want me to turn in to. Believe me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are not a piece of meat that our eyes only see what is on the outside, you are just as beautiful on the inside (please pardon the pun there) but I think you know what I mean.

  3. Carroll,

    We all have confidence in you that you will make the right decision.
    Don't lose faith in humanity. Not everyone is like that. I am sure if you came on GR with a different profile, one without your picture or information that you are a writer, you would still have a lot of friends, who would all still be crazy about you.
    And I completely agree with Sara. :)

    Without Wax,


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