Carroll's Journal #15 (The Crazies)

I hope this post doesn’t come off as too neurotic.

Just found out I have another appointment tomorrow with my counselor or whatever. I am thinking that this will be my last one for a while. Maybe forever. I know we are going to have a lot to discuss. The last time she and I spoke, I was really down on love and relationships and now, I am engaged. (Bi-polar?) LOL Don’t worry, it’s not like I am suicidal / homicidal.

Wait! Reverse that.

Okay, so I got the crazies, sue me! Anyhow, a lot has transpired over the past 9 to 12 months I guess. All these emotions pulling me from all sides. These crazy dreams. But I think I have figured some things out, you know? I mean, I have a great girl in my life who has put the smile back on my face. I’m falling for her more and more everyday. In fact, that’s where I am now. Her place. I am spending the night with her. She will be spending the night with me tomorrow then on Saturday, she and I will wait for David and his GF to show up and we’re going fishing. Spending the whole day together. The whole weekend really.

You get a line, I get a pole honey …

I know my counselor will hit me with a million questions about my sudden change of heart where love is concerned. I don’t know what I am going to say to her. I don’t understand it myself, really. Other than to tell her I was looking in Jennifer’s eyes one night and saw the future. Something snapped inside of me. A voice whispered that she is someone I can trust and believe in. I don’t know. The feeling hit me all at once. The best part is, there was no hangover. There was no fear the next day or wondering “what have I done?” LOL

I just know that being with Jenny is where I am supposed to be.

And yes, I do love her. I love her very much. It grows and grows with each passing day. And I am embracing it. Although, I am concerned about one thing. While at my mother’s, the discussion of my two eldest siblings did come up. Obviously, my mother wanted to know if I intend on inviting them to the wedding. My answer? No mother, I do not intend.

I still get the feeling that this sibling issue is going to get worse before it goes away.

You see, me and two eldest sibs had a bit of a falling out about 10 years ago. Long story. But they were very disrespectable and I … I guess you can say I am holding them accountable until they hold themselves accountable. Mess with the horns and you get the bull.

Wait! Reverse that.

Oh well, I made myself feel better by making dinner for Jenny before she came home from the store. I even lit a couple of candles. Very romantic. I also had a couple of gifts waiting for her. Some flowers I bought her in a new vase that I also bought. And a necklace. She loved it! I turned on some soft music and we slow danced afterwards to a few songs. Just her and me. However, she was tired and so I prepared a bath for her, did the dishes while she bathed. Then I tucked her in. I just can’t go to sleep as early as she does right now, I am in my late, late night mode. Here’s the thing though, she understands! And doesn’t mind. So now I got onto her computer and thought to write/post this new journal. She spends a lot of time at her store. She can only afford to have one full-time and one part-time employee right now. She is as passionate about her business as I am about my writing.

I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. That or I am just crazy. Crazy in love with her. LOL

We will be discussing a few more things about the wedding this weekend. We still have a few things that we really want to address right now while the waters are still calm. Before everything gets crazy. Haha And trust me, (as Jenny likes to say) they will get crazy.

Next weekend I have to wrap up my car commercials. We were supposed to do the second one however, after my “behavior” during the first one, the owner decided to up the anty and shoot number two and number three in the same day, figuring that now, I will have to “focus” more with “less” goofing around.
That’s just crazy.

Maybe if his daughters weren’t there I would be more focused. If you’re going to treat your set like a circus then a circus you shall have. Since they have nothing at all to do with the commercials, they needn’t be there. Maybe I will put that in the suggestion box that I saw hanging on the wall. Yeah, I have a suggestion, get rid of the suggestion box. I am beginning to sound neurotic, aren’t I? I think it’s from having too much beer and not enough sex.

Wait! Reverse that. (I think)