Carroll's Journal #14 (Getting Married)

So, I guess it’s official, I am getting married.

Yes! You read correctly. I asked a girl to marry me and she said yes. I am very excited. For the past year I have begun to get that lonely feeling here and there. I mean, there were always times when I found myself alone, but I never felt lonely.

Then came Meximelt. I fell hard. I admit that. But her odd and sudden departure left a void inside of me.
Truth be told, I wanted her. (Or at least, I thought I did) I think I wanted what I first perceived as her.
Obviously, she isn’t the girl she led me to believe she was in the beginning.

I think it’s like this: I was always something of the player only, I never lied about it to girls. I was single and I loved it. I enjoyed it. That was me. Then I got out played. (And on the internet to boot!) I know, it is kind of embarrassing, but it’s the truth. And where can we stand if we don’t stand with the truth?

It took six months before I would come to my senses and the reality about Meximelt. Sure, it’s a shame she is what she is, but she has every right to be that. I used to be that at her age too, but like I said, I never intentionally mislead people about who I was. I never really played them as much as I just played the “game”.

Anyhow, then came Brittany. I have known her for a while and when she entered the picture, my other long time gal pal, Sarah, took off. I haven’t heard from her in ages. Last I heard, she was living with some guy. But Brittany? I think she was really crazy about some other dude. The same dude who knocked her up. I think her feelings for me were out of fear of being pregnant and that guy not wanting anything to do with her and the baby, although, he won’t have a choice when child-support comes knocking. That guy disgusts me for the fact that he doesn’t seem to want to own up to his responsibilities.

All the while, ever since about July, when Jennifer returned from college, she has worked her way into my life. Into my family. She stood by me during the whole Meximelt incident. She defended me. More importantly, she proved her feelings for me. I never thought that 6 or 7 years ago when I first met her that she and I would be where we are right now.

She confessed already that she always had her eyes and thoughts on me from the start.
I don’t know what is better, to love someone more than they love you or to be loved by someone more than you love them. I do know that both to love on equal ground is the ideal relationship. We’ll see what this relationship turns out to be by the time we seal the deal. Right now, I do love her. She is beautiful and I never thought otherwise in my head at anytime. She is sweet and when she gives that puppy dog face … forget about it! LOL

She recently got her business loan and owns and operates her own little crafts store and it si doing really well. She still works part time at night a few days a week. She just seems to know what she wants and will stop at nothing to get it. She’s a tiger. A lot of spunk in that girl and attitude.

I like that.

And so now a new journey begins for me. A journey that allows me to finally put to rest the past. The second half of the year 2011. And all the player involved. I look forward to the future with Jennifer. To walk the path I have always feared to walk, but in all honesty, I do not fear right now.

Nervous? … Sure. I’m not a robot here. LOL

But I take comfort in knowing that I am with a girl who really cares about me. And what guy could ask for more than that?

What makes this all the better is … David has met a girl too. Our bachelor trip to Vegas might become a couples trip.

Woohoo!

Suddenly, I feel so damn happy. Granted, it won’t be for a whole year, but man, the more I think about it … the more excited I am getting. LOL

What more could anybody ask for?

And as love walks in, I have to ponder, how do you know when it's love? I guess I'll let Van Halen answer that question too.

This last one goes out from me to Meximelt. Okay, you know what? I think I am going to stop calling her that. Not only is it disrespectful, but I owe her a lot. If it weren't for what she did to me, I would have never become such great friends with young Miss Hira. And I value that friendship sooooooo much! And I wouldn't have gone through this hell the past six months which ultimately, led me to realizing two things, first, my life has been empty despite my denials and secondly, love is where you least expect it.

With that in mind, I shall call her by her real name, Jude Henderson. I see it now as no longer a curse, but a blessing. (Actually, that's not even her real name.) Her real name is Elsa Judi Sanchez Hernandez. And so, this final video/song is just for her.

And while Jude, I mean, Elsa, wasn't the one, in a way, she was. She was the one who pushed me to here. It's a good thing she never came to Ohio to be with me, we wouldn't have lasted two weeks before I either sent her packing back to Mexico or she would have left me for the first guy to wink at her.

I'm pretty happy with how things turned out. And now ... I turn the page to the future.