Merry Christmas Planet Earth 2017

MERRY CHRISTMAS EARTHLINGS

I BOUGHT A PICK-UP TRUCK!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!

HA-HA!

 

Merry Christmas 2016

Oh, and one more thing ....... 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Rash On My Ass - By Carroll Bryant

RASH ON MY ASS - By Carroll Bryant

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings

But instead I think that he stuffed me

When I was a kid I heard a rumor

In fact, you know, I think I can recall

Someone said that Santa had some problems

He was addicted to some drugs and alcohol 

At first I didn't want to believe it

I got mad and simply walked away 

Because the rumors got so fucking stupid

The moment someone said that he was gay

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings

But instead I think that he stuffed me

And so I decided to investigate 

Just to try and see what I could find

After talking to some elves and the reindeer 

What I did discover blew my mind

It really was a shock to my system

What to think and what not to believe

And So I guess there's only one solution

Just never go to sleep on Christmas Eve

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings

But instead I think that he stuffed me

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Ho, ho, ho ... ho, ho, ho, Santa Claus is ....... dead!

Bad Santa (A Poem)

BAD SANTA (A POEM)

It was the night before Christmas and old Santa was pissed

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list

Miserable little brats, and ungrateful little jerks

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass for damn near a year

Instead of "Thanks Santa", what do I hear?

The old lady bitches because I work late at night

The elves want more money and the reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids

Donner got pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from the IRS sends me a letter

They say I owe taxes, if that ain't damn funny 

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days they are all the pits 

They want the impossible, those greedy little shits

I spent the whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls, their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo-yo's, but there's no requests for them

They want computers and iphones, they think I'm IBM

If you think that's bad then just picture this

Try holding those brats with their pants full of piss

They squeeze my nose and grab at my beard 

And if I don't smile all the time then they think I am weird 

Flying through the air and dodging all the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job as there is no more enjoyment 

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

If there is no Christmas this year, now you know the reason

I found me a hot bitch, and heading SOUTH for the season

Merry Fucking Christmas you Ho, Ho, Ho's.

December Pics 2016

My Favorite Christmas Songs: Same Old Lang Syne

This one reminds me of someone. Every time I hear it, I get that same old feeling of emptiness inside. Even after all of these years later. I will never forget her. Even when I am dead, I will continue to think of her during the holiday season. This is why I posted it last, and the day after Christmas.

 

 

 

My Favorite Christmas Songs: When Christmas Comes This Year by Marie Osmond

I absolutely love Marie Osmond. Enough said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Favorite Christmas Songs: Last Christmas by Wham

Yes, I like this song. It's beautiful and kind of stabs at your heart a little. A relationship gone wrong and the man left alone for Christmas. I been there a time or two.

 

 

 

 



My Favorite Christmas Songs: Rockin Around The Christmas Tree

This is an oldie but goody. I like the upbeat tempo and over-all jolliness and fun of this song. It always puts a little smile on my face when I hear it and gives me an extra kick of Christmas spirit.

 

 

 



My Favorite Christmas Songs: Jingle Bell Rock

There has been many versions of this song, but quite frankly, my favorite version is by Hall and Oates. It's a generation thing I guess. I also like their video. Not to take anything away from the "Mean Girls" version. lol

 

 

 

 

My Favorite Christmas Songs: Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley

What would Christmas be without the king of rock and roll? Being an Elvis Presley fan, you knew I had to have him in on one of my favorites.

 

 

 

 

 



My Favorite Christmas Songs: Do You Hear What I Hear?

The original version is fine, but I always preferred the Bing Crosby version for some reason. But I also like the version he did with David Bowie, too.

My Favorite Christmas Songs: Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

When I was a kid, this was funny. It still holds special memories because I may have been the only kid in history who actually wished my grandmother would have gotten run over by a reindeer. I don't think my granny cared for me much. That's sad, if you allowed it to be, but I looked on the Brightside, I didn't have to put up with pinched cheeks or granny breath and kisses. Ha-ha.

 

 



My Favorite Christmas Songs: Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time

This could very well be my all-time favorite Christmas song. I'm pretty sure it is.

 

 

 

 

 

Images Of Christmas 2015

My Favorite Christmas Songs: Feliz Navidad

When I was a boy, one of my favorite things was riding in the car with momma on Christmas Eve, on our way to see family and friends. We had the radio turned up and singing to the Christmas songs that were playing. Here is one of my favorites.