Merry Christmas 2016

Oh, and one more thing ....... 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Rash On My Ass - By Carroll Bryant

RASH ON MY ASS - By Carroll Bryant

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings

But instead I think that he stuffed me

When I was a kid I heard a rumor

In fact, you know, I think I can recall

Someone said that Santa had some problems

He was addicted to some drugs and alcohol 

At first I didn't want to believe it

I got mad and simply walked away 

Because the rumors got so fucking stupid

The moment someone said that he was gay

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings

But instead I think that he stuffed me

And so I decided to investigate 

Just to try and see what I could find

After talking to some elves and the reindeer 

What I did discover blew my mind

It really was a shock to my system

What to think and what not to believe

And So I guess there's only one solution

Just never go to sleep on Christmas Eve

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Santa was suppose to stuff the stockings

But instead I think that he stuffed me

I got a rash on my ass on Christmas morning 

I know it wasn't there on Christmas Eve

Ho, ho, ho ... ho, ho, ho, Santa Claus is ....... dead!

Bad Santa (A Poem)

BAD SANTA (A POEM)

It was the night before Christmas and old Santa was pissed

He cussed out the elves and threw down his list

Miserable little brats, and ungrateful little jerks

I have a good mind to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass for damn near a year

Instead of "Thanks Santa", what do I hear?

The old lady bitches because I work late at night

The elves want more money and the reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids

Donner got pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things would get better

Those assholes from the IRS sends me a letter

They say I owe taxes, if that ain't damn funny 

Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days they are all the pits 

They want the impossible, those greedy little shits

I spent the whole year making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls, their arms, legs and heads

I made a ton of yo-yo's, but there's no requests for them

They want computers and iphones, they think I'm IBM

If you think that's bad then just picture this

Try holding those brats with their pants full of piss

They squeeze my nose and grab at my beard 

And if I don't smile all the time then they think I am weird 

Flying through the air and dodging all the trees

Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees

I'm quitting this job as there is no more enjoyment 

I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

If there is no Christmas this year, now you know the reason

I found me a hot bitch, and heading SOUTH for the season

Merry Fucking Christmas you Ho, Ho, Ho's.