Boycotting Democrats; Carroll's Journey

It started out simple enough, many years ago. What began as my disgust towards Hollywood evolved into a lifestyle that now, feels normal enough and has enriched my life tenfold. I can't recall ever being this happy before. And what was it that I did all those many moons in the past? Well, I decided to boycott Hollywood.

I decided to stop going out to the movies. A decision I made over ten years ago. And kept to. I also stopped buying DVD's. No more spending my money on movies, period! With the exception of South Park. I currently own the first 20 seasons of that cartoon series. And with that lone exception, it has also been well over ten years since I purchased a movie on DVD.

I made this decision because Hollywood had gotten too big for its britches. I just got tired of their bullshit and attitude and made a choice to no longer support those ass-hats. Then something amazing happened .... and it is called, Donald J. Trump.

I was already getting fed up with democrats and their socialist / communist / fascist / terrorist behavior. For years I was watching as they transformed into something ugly, something evil. You had to look hard if you wanted to see it, but when Trump came along to throw his name into the hat for nomination for president of the united states, all democratic hell broke loose.

The democrats turned more hateful, angry and evil than I had ever seen anything turn before. Now, I no longer even see democrats as human beings, but back then, I was disbelieving my own eyes and ears at the things they were doing, and saying.

Back then, I had some dozen or more friends that were democrats. From then to now, I lost all of them except for one. A few turned independent, like me, and I'm still friends with them. A few turned republican and I'm still friends with them, too. The rest of them started breaking from me because I support Trump and the final three or four, I rejected because I could no longer put up with their constant hate.

 Now, like I stated earlier, I am down to just one democrat friend, and he's like a brother to me. No! He is a brother to me. I have known him for 30 years. He and I both agreed to never talk politics, and so far, it has worked.

Now, I will not become friends with anyone new unless / until I know they are not a democrat. It's just the way it is these days.

But that was only the beginning. I was in a local grocery store one morning and I overheard one of the employees talking to another customer and she was attacking Trump. For some reason, this got me pissed. Then I started seeing on the news how democrats were attacking Trump supporters, Violence, or with words or by getting them fired and shit and so, this infuriated me even more.

Then one day, I kind of snapped. Me and a couple friends went down to that store and long story short, got that employee fired. I have to admit, it felt good. Before I knew it, we had gotten several democrats fired from their jobs over the next few years to now. It gets even worse.

My friends and I also got a few businesses shut down, that were owned / operated by democrats. The first one was a diner owner who got a little too drunk at a 4th of July picnic. He was bad-mouthing Trump something awful, and in front of children. We then decided to spread some rumors about "food poisoning" incidents and a year and a half later, he went belly up.

It really began when I declared that I would never eat at his place again, when at that time, I spent close to two hundred dollars at his place a month. Then many of my friends stopped eating there, too. Then came the rumors to seal his fate. He sold his place to a guy who just happens to be a republican.

We also then proceeded to shut down a couple more. And again, it felt good. To strike back at the democrats really did feel like I was accomplishing something. I felt like I was playing their game, using their rules. Everything democrats think about Trump supporters, is what I feel about them multiplied by a million.

Recently, within the past year, I found out that my cable provider was a democrat supporter. I found a way to ditch their internet service and cable service. I kept their phone service, but now I get phone, internet and cable for 1/3 of the cost. I found a way around the high cost of technology.

The past few years I have also broke up with a few girls after discovering they were democrats. I also dropped my medical doctor for being a liberal. I got a new one. A better one, if you ask me. But I have reached a point where I can no longer stand being around democrats. PERIOD!

I do not patronize any business that I KNOW for a fact is owned by a democrat. And while it started with a simple decision to stop supporting Hollywood, it has now evolved into a full-out act of boycotting democrats. They make everything political, like movies, music, sports, religion, and so on, and now, so do I.

I have found that I am much more happier by at least 300 %. I am also saving more money every month as well. Not that it is a big deal as everyone knows I haven't worked for some 15 years now, and do not plan to ever go back to work. I live the good life. The easy life. But hey, if you can have the same things at a lower cost, then great! Right?

It's just simply a much better life.

Maybe I also still harbor bad feelings from the two times democrats have personally attacked me online. All I know is, they do not deserve to even breathe the oxygen on this planet. Even the good ones are shit-holes because they vote for these evil people like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Adam Schiff, Maxine Waters, Jerry Nadler, Nancy Pelosi, and the like. You get my drift. 

My overall health has improved greatly as well. I probably should have done this a lot sooner, but it is what it is for the here and now, and now, I can't see myself ever going back to the way it was. The way I see it, life is too short to go around all the time hating everything, everyone or being pissed off at the world. I want nothing from these communists because they can't offer me anything but doom and gloom and dread. They are horrible and evil things that, as far as my real life is concerned, have no place in my world.

It's just the way it is.

And a world free of democrats is the most wonderful and amazing world I have ever known in my life. For once, when anyone asks me, "How's it going?" I can honestly look at them, smile, and say, "I'm good."

Carroll's Journey: Bullying The Bullies

I'm not the "Turn The Other Cheek" kind of guy. I wish I was. I have a lot of friends in real life, and on-line who are "Turn The Other Cheek" kind of people. They often times show me a better way to go. A better path to travel. And often times, while I want to follow their example, I end up going down my own road, as I have always done my whole entire life.

I want to follow their lead, but it is so difficult for me because I was born a warrior. A fighter. The guy who may not start the shit, but certainly the guy who doesn't run from it, either. I stand up for myself, and all my life since high school, I have also stood up for others. I lost count of how many times I defended others from bullies in high school. Even in the military, there were a few friends I defended from bigger and stronger bullies.

But yeah, that has been my life story. I was always THAT GUY everyone wanted to be around when troublemakers came calling.

On a couple of occasions, those troublemakers came calling via internet. Online bullies that found me and thought I would be a push over. They quickly found out that I don't back down. I not only stand up to them, but I also fight back.

The last time bullies found me, it was on Twitter last fall. (2017) While my first bully attack was by a bunch of book bloggers and their pals, the one thing they have in common with the latest bullies is that they were mostly democrats, too.

On Twitter, I was attacked for making the comment that "I would rather vote for a pedophile for public office over a socialist. (Democrat)" I still stand by that comment.

The democrats on Twitter went absolutely crazy. Their hate runneth over. lol They were so angry that they actually started lying and saying that I supported pedophiles. (Which isn't true) Then it quickly turned into them saying that I was a pedophile. It's easy for democrats to do this kind of thing because they are hateful, liars, and violent people by nature.

But their lies then spread to my previous bully attack by that fat female Mexican stalker and her bully friends. And of course the Gen-X bullies had to put their fat faces into it because they are hateful, stupid and ignorant that way. No bully attack can go on without their ton of bullshit lies, too. lol

What they did was fuel a fire where no fire was present. But that's democrats for you. That's bullies for you.

The only thing they did was get more evil people involved in attacking me. And from that, an attack on my Facebook page also ensued. From there, I was able to focus on seven people who attacked me. I was able to gather their real names, and locations. Home addresses and work places. Phone numbers. You name it. And these seven people turned out to live rather close to me. Four of them in my state.

Since December, I have managed to meet three of them face to face.

While my health has taken a turn for the worse, I do plan to rebound soon enough. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Maybe by next Christmas, I will be gone. Who knows.

Still, I have a quest to complete. And even in my sad shape, I have been able to confront three male internet bullies who were tough enough to attack me on the keyboard, but as I walked up behind them in a line at a store, one by one, and tap them on the shoulder, introduce myself and give them a chance to say those horrible things to my face that they said on my Facebook page, all three did the exact same thing. They shit their pants. Haha

They walked away as I followed, and they called the police. But the joke was on them because I knew they would pussy out and call the police so in each event, I called them before I introduced myself to these guys so that by the time they would start walking away, the cops would show up.

I told police the reason I called them was because if these guys were to tell me to my face what they so bravely wrote on my Facebook page, then I was going to beat the living hell right out of them. I was intending to hurt them, and hurt them bad. I wanted the police close by and or on the scene when it happened so I could give myself up to them peacefully.

With each man, all of which were right around my age, not only did they coward to the task, but the police actually sided with me when these "tough guys" demanded they arrest me for "stalking" them. lol Obviously, the cops refused, saying, "I don't blame him. If you stalked and called me a pedophile on Facebook, I would want to whoop your ass, too."

The cops even went so far as to tell these guys that they are too old to be bullying people online like that. None the less, I proved that democrat men are cowards. They are only as tough as the internet will allow them to be, but in real life, they are vagina's.    

I have been keeping tabs with a 4th guy who lives in Chillicothe, Ohio. (My hometown)

Soon, I will give him a chance also to say to my face what he said on my Facebook page. I'm sure, like the others so far, he will coward to the task. He will freak out and start screaming like a little girl to call the police. That seems to be these bullies favorite thing to do. I think it's just the shock of the fact that they bullied someone for absolutely no reason and that guy they bullied, is now bullying them back. lol And they are afraid to get their asses beat. And get a beat down they would get, too, if they were brave enough to say to my face what they said on my Facebook page.

I do plan to introduce myself personally to the other bullies as well. I will give them all the opportunity to be real life "tough guys", and not just internet pussies. lol I'm pretty sure the others will react / respond in similar fashion. Provided of course that I live long enough to make the rest of the rounds.

To those other four cowards, I know where you live and I will be coming around to visit you all soon enough. You will know I have found you when I tap you on the shoulder in a line in a store, one unassuming day. Like the first three, you will also be given an opportunity to be tough. Don't bother calling the cops, I will have already dispatched them. And if you say to my face what you said on my Facebook page, it will be the cops who will call the ambulance for you while they take me off to jail.

And when I face the judge, I will be smiling, and quite proud of myself, as I explain why I beat the fecal matter out of your ass. lol You can sue me when you come out of your three month old coma. Haha

To my awesome friends, in real life and online, don't give up on me. One day, I could very well learn from your example, and turn the other cheek.

Carroll's Journey: Time Marches On

Said goodbye to an old friend today. And time marches on.

It's been another crazy summer. One filled with everything you can think of. Ups, downs, side to side, wax on and wax off. You name it. And to think, we still have roughly six more weeks left before football kicks off. It ain't over yet. 

My goddaughter is coming over tomorrow to stay for a while during fair time. She will kick things off by spending Thursday night with her friend down the street. I hear they are having a sleep over event for the weekend. However, on Friday afternoon, her and her friend, along with a few others, will be coming to my place to A) Me escort them to the opening day of the fair across the street, and B) They will be spending Friday night, and Saturday night with me. And yes, I am to escort them again on Saturday and Sunday to the fair. lol Lucky me. 

On Sunday night, the mothers and or fathers will be coming to pick them up and take them back home, meanwhile, it will be Kelly and I for the next 10 ten days. I will be taking her with me to Iowa during that time also for a couple of days. She loves to travel. "Anything to get out of Piketon for a while." She says. Haha 

Then she will start preparing for the start of her high school career. She is so excited. I'm excited for her. I told her, "These will be the best four years of your life. Unfortunately, it won't be until you're forty years old before you realize this." 

Time. Marches. On.

This summer began with Kelly and I going to the beach to ride a Ferris wheel. What a week that was. Then a weekend of camping in which I dreaded. First of all, God created houses, electric and air conditioning. Use them! Secondly, I was in a huge tent with Kelly's brother, Boomer, and he and I shared that tent with Kelly and two of her female cousins and three tiny dogs. All told, there was 15 of us. Four tents total, a big RV and a small camper. There were a total of four dogs. I mean, it was fun, sort of, but too many people for me. And too hot also. But I survived the two nights, three days event and was sooooooooooooo happy to get back home. 

I finally broke down and talked to my mother over the phone a few times. After a year of not speaking to her or my younger sister, I just wanted to catch up a little and maybe open that door a little and see what happens. Turns out nothing happened, and it's been a couple of months since we last spoke. Just for the record, love is not all you need for a relationship of any kind. It takes trust and respect, too. It's just too bad that there is a huge lack of those two things between my mother, little sister and I. Because of this, it appears we are no longer family. But all is not lost because I still have Kelly, her brother, her mother and dad. I also have my brothers Dave in Iowa, and Ted in Chillicothe.

My health was looking a bit gloomy at the beginning of the summer, but now feels like I am taking a turn for the better. So that's something positive. And no matter what happens from here on, I still have my optimism for a better future. Kelly keeps me on my toes and certainly keeps things interesting. last week she mentioned something about maybe trying out for cheerleading. 

*GULP*

Time marches on. 

 

Carroll's Journey: Told You So

I told you so!

For the past few years I have been on certain political media / news sites informing people that democrats suck at math. Mostly I said this just to piss democrats off or otherwise, get under their skin. I got a big kick out of it.

Most people responded with the "where's your proof" comment if not their classic "F you" remarks that clearly demonstrate their "intelligence" level.

However, now I have my proof.

Just the other day, the California Department of Education released their statistics of which showed that only 29% of students were able to satisfy the basic standard requirements of their specific grade level in ....... drum roll please ..... math!

Of those 29%, only 18% of African Americans were able to reach the basic standards of math in their grade level.

This means that 79% of kids in California failed to reach their basic standard requirements in math. Which means, and it's official now, that democrats suck at math. So thank you the State of California for proving what I have been saying for two or three years now.

I told you so! LMAO

I have also been saying during these past few years that democrats are not very bright in general. So what do the politicians do in light of these horrible math results? They decide to get together to push an agenda and encourage teachers to teach kids how to "spot" fake news. LMAO AGAIN!

Democrats are not very bright. lol I would think that instead of teaching kids how to spot fake news, you might want to teach them, oh, I don't know ....... MATH!?

Hey, California kids! I can teach you how to spot fake news, but unfortunately, you may not understand it because you suck at math. But here goes .....

90% of liberal media is fake news while only 60% of republican media is fake news, thus, you're more likely to get the real news from republican media. (If you watch "The Blaze", you will get fake news, just as if you watch CNN, MSNBC and if you go to BuzzFeed or read The New York Times or the Washington Post, you will get fake news by the truck load.)

Always remember, kids, to be a democrat you have to be one of the three, 1) a socialist, 2) a communist, or 3) a terrorist. (What kind of democrat are you?) But to be a democrat, you will always be a liar, a cheater, a fake, a fraud, a bully, rig elections, and a non-American because there is nothing American about being a socialist, a communist and or a terrorist. It's called the land of the free, not the land of the "ist".

I hate to say it, but ... I TOLD YOU SO!

Okay, I don't hate to say it. lol

This could also explain why democrats don't understand the difference between the "electoral" voting process / system, and the "popular" vote. Our founding fathers were very good at math, and reasoning, as well as fair play.

To all the kids in California ..... good luck.

(You're so gonna need it.)  

Carroll's Journey: Cruel Summer

Man, it is really hot outside. It's so hot that my shadow is sweating. It's so hot that I am naming this day Miley Cyrus day. It's so hot that my air conditioner is asking me to buy it an air conditioner.

Okay, enough of that. You get the point.

This summer has already been one busy bee and we still have a couple of months remaining. Which is good I guess. It was slow as molasses last year, for the better part. Then again, my "busy" might be slightly different from your "busy".

It's also been a sad one too, or at least, it has had its sad moments. A friend of mine on Facebook lost her twenty-one year old son and honestly, that is really heartbreaking. A couple other friends of mine here in my town have lost their fathers in recent weeks and days.

My summer adventure began back in March when I decided to close down one of my banking accounts in one county and move it to a bank in my own county - a little closer to me. That was a bit of a job in itself. After a couple of complications I finally was able to do it. The whole process took a couple of weeks or so.

I took a week just to draft my fantasy football teams this year.

Then I had a final spat with my mother and little sister. It wasn't really a spat as it was just a white flag I decided to raise and move on with my life without them because I simply got tired of the crap. It's a sad day when your family would rather have no contact with you than have a relationship where they have to show you the least bit of respect. It's like, if they have to respect you then they prefer not to have you around. But I finally realized that this was the case and I decided to walk away. I miss the kids something awful, but I could never respect myself if I hadn't finally gave in to the truth. I hung in there for as long as I could. Me and my family have a long standing history of butting heads and conflict. Why? I may never know the whole truth. My theory is that it has something to do with my writing - or at least a good portion of it is cause. Another theory is that some are still not pleased with me standing up to my brother the way I did some 20+ years ago. He was (maybe still is) the shit. Everybody loves my brother despite him being a conman and an ex-convict. He is not a good man. But for some reason, the rest of the family still insist sticking their nose right up his backside.

I went on a five day vacation with my adopted daughter, taking her to see a couple of lighthouses. She really enjoyed it. I did too. We had a lot of fun. It was something she has wanted to do since around last September but her parents didn't have enough vacation time on the books to take her so they asked me and well, since I had nothing else going on, I caved. lol

I have construction going on at home in my living room. I can't even begin to remember the last time I have been out shopping with friends as much as I have this summer. Almost twice a week I find myself getting together with friends and going shopping. I'm buying all the things that have piled up on my "to do" and "to get" list. New shoes, boots, pants, shirts, electronics, you name it. I'm starting to lose my "cheap ass" label. lol

I have also been to a few meetings with various companies and people. Some in the music industry. Anyone who knows me knows I hate appointments. I haven't used an alarm clock for twelve plus years now. I go to sleep when I am tired and wake up when I wake up. I did not use an alarm clock for these meetings because luckily, they were scheduled around noon or later. I am up these days between 5:00 AM and 9:00 AM. If there's one silver lining about my heart attack it's that I'm not as tired anymore as I was the few years leading up to my heart attack. I have more energy these days and have been able to pretty much keep a constant schedule that enables me to interact in a more normal manner.

So all of this and helping out my friends with some projects has kept me somewhat busy this summer. I have worked in some new posts for my blogs that I have scheduled leading up into October whenever I could just because I couldn't see when I would have definite time to keep up with my blogs. That's how busy it has been. It is easy for me to forget about my blogs sometimes. I really have to make a conscious effort to address them.

Well, that's about it. For now. I'm hoping at this point that these shootings going on in America will stop soon. I think my country has spilled enough blood this year. Please people, stop with the killing. It's getting us nowhere - but dead.

It really has been a busy and cruel summer. (But it's had its good moments too) Although, I had conflicting emotions about our fireworks show having been cancelled due to the weather.

 

Carroll's Journey: Orphan Boy

Everything is just strolling along these days. Some good. Some bad. Some just .... some. Anyhow, I did get my fantasy football drafts completed early. It seems like every year I get my teams drafted earlier and earlier. Maybe one day I will get my new teams drafted just days after league championships are played. lol Hey! ... I can dream. :)

This year, I had to replace a team in our local league. We (the rest of the nine teams left) decided it was time to bring in our third female member ever and our first under 18 member, Joe's daughter, and my adopted daughter, Kelly. And for the first time ever in our league history, we actually had all ten members draft under the same roof.

MINE! lol

I had 4 at the kitchen table, 3 on the couch and Joe, Kelly and myself in my bedroom. The place was crowded, but we had a lot of fun. We had hamburgers, cheeseburgers, hotdogs, brats, pizza, KFC, with chips / dip, cake, ice cream, donuts, and plenty to drink. Lots of food and fun. It should be an exciting FF season. And along with my local team, I also have 14 other teams - 15 in total this year.

On a down side, I did have to divorce my family finally. I didn't want to do it, but after 20 plus years of problems, I decided (or realized) that things were not going to get resolved. so ... after yet another issue came about, I quickly made the decision to cut the ties. I am missing the kids like crazy, but maybe one day they will see that I did what I had to do. There is a certain way you should treat people and they should treat you and if that treatment isn't going correctly then you have to make that hard choice. I made it. Now I live with it. But I do feel freer than ever before. At least the break up wasn't all nasty. Maybe between my younger sister and I but my mother and I parted on somewhat good terms.

So now I am an orphan. What now?

I'll tell you what now .... only about a month until pre-season NFL action! lol And then a month after that .... FOOTBALL!

That's what now. Yeah, baby.

Carroll's Journey: If I Could Dream

Everyone and everything is trying to get to someplace. Life is just one part of many stops in which we experience along the journey.

When I die, I don't know to where my next adventure will begin, but if I could choose, I think I would want to begin the next phase in the moment when I had my first play-date with my little nephew, Caden.

We played derby cars and it was a wonderful day. And after spending a few thousand years in that moment, I would then like to travel to when... I was a young boy myself and go back to when I was walking with my dog Pepper in the woods one day. Nothing exciting occurred that day, just a boy walking in the woods with his dog. It was just simply a beautiful day. I don't know why I remember that day, or why i dream of it from time to time in my sleep, but it was a great moment of peace for me.

After spending a couple hundred years in that moment, i would then go to a day when I was sitting on the couch and watching a show on TV. My mother walked into the room and handed me a cup of vanilla pudding she had just made. She sat down on the couch with me with her own cup of pudding and she and I watched TV together and eating our pudding. I can't remember the show we watched, but that aint the point. I just remember watching Tv and eating pudding with her and thinking how much I loved my mother. And I would like to stay in that moment for a few hundred years.

After that, I would like to soar through the universe and see all of the amazing sights it has to offer. Maybe live inside a nebula for a few thousand years. That would be nice.

I don't know where the journey continues after this, or maybe I do, but one thing is for sure - I hope there isn't as much pain in the next life as there is in this one.

A man can dream, can't he?

Carroll's Journey: The Librarians

I think the best job in the world would have to be being a librarian. I'm not quite sure how much they get paid, maybe minimum wage, maybe more, but be that as it may, whatever they are getting paid, it's too much. It's too much because it looks so easy to do. I mean, you loan a book out and do some computer work. When people return books, you log them back in, put them on a cart and then at some time later, roll the cart down the book aisle and put the books back on the proper shelves. Easy peasy lemon squeezey.

I'm actually sitting in a library right now, as I write this. It's the day after the Super Bowl and I got a headache, the runs, and I'm coming off of a wicked dream. I dreamed that a girl I know from the internet came to visit me. She didn't visit me at my home, but instead, at an Internet Addiction Center. lol Yeah, I know, right?

Anyhow, we made out a little and then she left. As I walked back into the center, heading for my room area, I found out my very expensive silkish towels were missing. Apparently, the staff helped themselves, Those things cost 20 bucks each. I was furious. I mean, I was furious!

Then I woke up.

The reason I am sitting in a library and writing this post is, I have come to a place of extreme boredom in my life where every day is virtually the same day as before. (Ground-Hog's Day!) And I wanted to change things up for a little while, so I had my internet connection removed and now if I want to get online, I go to the library, or I hook up with my laptop off of someone elses wireless. I also decided to lighten my load a bit and sell, give away, or trash most of, if not all of, the junk in my home. I got too much crap!

Well, I had too much crap. It's starting to dwindle down a bit. I sold my desktop, along with my printer. I sold some other electronics like one of my stereos. I sold my collection of porn. (Now you know I mean business). I sold more of my DVD's. Everything goes!

Well, not everything. But I ask myself, do I use it? Do I need it? Do I want it? And if the answer to all three are NO, then it goes. One YES, and I keep it.

I don't know why I am doing this, I just am. Too much clutter is bad for the soul.

Finally though, my life has gotten back to normal somewhat. I mean, people haven't been bugging me much lately for an autograph or anything. I like my life better when nobody knows who I am. I never wanted to be famous, but the Goodreads bullies threw me to the world. The only thing I could do was ride the wave. I mean, if it is destiny that I be famous, then why fight it? But fortunately for me, the bullies finally stopped, for now, and I get to drift back into obscurity where I thrive a lot better.

And while I never wanted to be famous, I do want my work to be known. I want my work to be more famous than me. If I wanted the glory, I wouldn't have used a pen name to begin with. Although, inside my pen name lies my real name so, it's a quagmire. (I'm a quagmire).

The point is, I am a lot happier when everything is quiet. Right now, everything is quiet.

I enjoyed what little snow we got thus far. Back in January, when we finally got hit, I got snowed in with the 14 year old daughter of a very good friend of mine. We survived the two day ordeal. It was actually kind of fun. Then a few weeks later, on a Saturday, we went to Columbus to look at some artwork. And coming up this early Spring, she and I will take a week to ten days to travel the east coast to look at some lighthouses. Sounds like fun. She's an aspiring artist and she loves lighthouses. She wants to start painting them, and she thinks if she were to actually see them with her own eyes, and take her own pictures, her artwork will be better for it.

She may have a point.

One thing though, she also writes poetry and she wants to write songs too. She's learning the play the piano. Sometimes she drops by and practices on my keyboard. She's a great kid. I have known her and her family for eight years at least. I've watched her grow up. I guess she is like my adopted daughter. But it's an awesome feeling knowing that she was inspired by my work. (That's what she claims). It's quite an honor to be credited for inspiring someone to get involved in the arts. I hope she sticks with it.

Health front: Everything is going smoothly. My health is fine. My mother has finally gotten her problems fixed. My nephew gave us a scare recently. Other than that, not much happening in the health watch area.

I will leave you all with this thought. "The Super Bowl halftime show kind of sucked."

Please retire Peyton Manning. Seriously, just retire already. It's time.

Oh, and as for Cam Newton - Grow the fuck up.

Carroll's Journey: Life Is Good

How good can things get? Well, if you're me, pretty damn good sometimes. Everything is rocking and I am about as happy as a song being sung around the world. There's nothing to complain about. If you ask me, I am having way too much fun and definitely have way too much time on my hands (As always).

I had quite the awesome Thanksgiving. I spent it alone. And what a great time I had! lol Seriously, it's been quite some time since I ever spent a Thanksgiving by myself. Maybe never. But let me tell you, it is everything it was expected to be and then some. I cooked my own food, and had no line to wait in when it came time to eat. Everything was cooked to my perfection / liking. I watched football, football and more football. Watched some internet porn. (Never did that before on Thanksgiving.) Ha-ha. Had some weather stripping put on my door so I took care of that little problem for the upcoming winter. Had no traffic to deal with. Took a couple of naps. :)

So why post about this? I don't know. I suppose I wanted to share it in hopes that I wasn't the only one who had a great Thanksgiving. I didn't have to deal with family drama. That's always a plus. And now I am wondering if it could be so great if I spend Christmas alone too. I already know my New Years Eve will be rocking. I have some people coming over to play some strip poker. That will be interesting ... and no, I am not going to post about that so, no pictures request. lol

I just have such an amazing life right now. I am so very lucky in so many ways. I just wanted to assure myself that I truly do appreciate this gift of mine. I really do also hope all of you are having a wonderful time while you're here on this planet. Not so much the bad people, like internet bullies, criminals and such. I hope those people are having a miserable time. But to all of you good, hard working, dedicated people, I hope you are enjoying your life as I am. It's just a great life. I really do not know what more I could ever wish for. Maybe for a soul-mate but you know, that's optional for me.

I dedicate this song to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Carroll's Journey: ONE MILLION VIEWS!

IT'S TIME TO CELEBRATE! 

 

ONE MILLION VIEWS EVERYONE!

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



















 

 

 

AND IN LESS THAN FOUR YEARS!

 

 

 

 

 

Carroll's Journey: Cool Summer

Well, Summer is over and Fall is upon us, but what a Summer it was. I met a girl, I courted the girl, now the girl hates me; who didn't see that one coming? I got a couple of songs completed in the studio, almost totaled my car, but thanks to my friends, it got repaired. Not that it mattered to me, I was ready to buy a truck. Not that I can't now but, in case you haven't been keeping score, I'm lazy. I'll get to it when I can.

I may also get around soon to moving. I know, been saying that for fifty years now, but I am considering Iowa, Utah, California (Not California), New Mexico (maybe - been there, done that), Florida (Not really Florida). Actually, I think I am still wanted in Florida. True story. Then again, Georgia has been on my mind. Savannah, Georgia. It's so beautiful there.

I fractured my toe about a week ago. It feels a lot better now.

My promotional give-away earlier this Spring went well. I really enjoyed that. I spent a lot of money but I don't care. It was well worth it what with the magnets and posters. I had a lot of fun doing it. 

Had a doctor appointment back in August and my diagnosis was superb! I have made a complete recovery and probably doing better than before the heart attack. It's now also been over a year since my last cigarette and two years since my last drink. I'm officially a dork now. Although, to be honest, I'm not really sure how much longer I can go without a smoke. I think about it from time to time. I really miss it. I REALLY MISS IT! Smoking was so great. I know there are a bunch of communists who are trying to get smoking banned everywhere and shit, and they do it by pretending that they care about your health, which by the way, is none of their damn business, but you are not going to live forever so if you get a chance to puff it up, go for it. The best time to light one is right after sex and or eating or both. (Think about it then think about it some more. Ha-ha)

I even have dreams of smoking. But funny enough, I am not craving the nicotine, it's mostly mental at this point. And people still find it hard to believe that I quit cold turkey. Hey, it's the only way to quit really. Using patches don't do it, you're still putting nicotine in your body. Slowly decreasing doesn't work either. Special nicotine gum doesn't work. Not that I could ever imagine. For me, if you want to quit something, you just do it. You just quit. But thank goodness for Lifesavers candy, lollipops, and Bazooka Joe! lol

Actually, the best way for me to fight any cravings is to get around someone who is smoking and breathe in their second hand smoke. A few good whiffs and my craving goes away. My second month was the worst month, after which I only craved about three days a month for the next six months then after that, maybe one day a month and now, I don't crave it at all - but I sure do think about it.

The girl and I broke up because she started talking about us moving in together. Hey, that's marriage talk for me. There may only be maybe three girls on this planet that I would consider moving in with and no, it's not Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez or Zendaya. ..... Okay, there are six girls on this planet that ........

Overall, if I had to grade my summer of 2015, I guess I would grade it a B Minus. There was room for improvement I suppose, but for what I was shooting for, it was okay. The worst part of it was almost losing my mother. She had a rough Summer, but now she appears to be back on her feet so, hopefully, all the surgeries she had fixed her right up.

I did have to take on a new writing job. It's not going to get in the way of anything really, I see it as part time but the democratic economics of the past 6 and one half years that includes high inflation, higher taxes and Obamacare, well, I had to find a way to generate some extra Benjamins. Better now than three years or so from now. I have kind of grown accustomed to my lazy lifestyle and I'd like to keep it. Currently, the policies of the democratic party scare the bejeezus out of me. We could end up with another democrat for president so a little more cash flow now should help out a lot towards the future. That age old question has been answered, "Am I better off now than when Obama took office?" - And of course the answer is a resounding NO! In fact, I am worse off. And so are many people around me.   

I think the most surprising thing about the Summer of 2015 is, I actually said, "Wow, Demi Lovatto looks hot." - And yes, I remember saying that to someone.

I'm as shocked as you are.

  

Carroll's Journey: Carroll Who?

So on the 10th of July, 2015, I get a call from my sister shortly past seven in the morning. (I was up until three in the morning so I was refreshed with about 4 hours of sleep) "Mother is hospitalized again." She informed me. "She threw up, was running a fever, and she has a major headache."

"Give me twenty minutes or so and I'll be there." I replied groggily.

You see, I think we have entered a new age with mother. After her life threatening experience a month ago, now every little sideway sneeze or wet fart will be grounds for hospitalization from this point forward.

Hey, I get it, she's getting old. Better safe than sorry and stuff, but, what kind of life is it when you become addicted to hospitals, doctors and medicine? That's not a productive life. Not one I care to venture in anyway.

Anyhow, by the time I got there, she had two male nurses tending to her and as I entered, I did so with a bang. "For someone who hates hospitals, you sure do seem to spend a lot time in them."

The two male nurses turned and smiled. (I don't know why I say "male" nurses, I should just say nurses, shouldn't I? I mean, their gender isn't important, is it?) My mother smirks. "Smart ass."

It turns out that yes, she did puke her guts out, but she wasn't concerned so much about that. "Sometimes my medicine makes me nauseated." She explained. Then she informed me that her arthritis was acting up fiercely and all she wanted was something for the pain. "I couldn't get to my feet or walk." She said. "I have this shooting pain in my hip on the right side."

While the doctor was working on getting something for her pain, they also took her to get a cat scan. (Bilking  the system?) lol Anyhow, I told her. "I hope you get some morphine. That shit is rockin."

Mother rolled her eyes. I then decided to break some late breaking news. "I got pulled over in Waverly on my here."

"For what?" She asked.

"For DWC" I answered. She made a funny face. "What is DWC?"

"Driving while Carroll." I answered. She rolled her eyes again. I continued. "He mentioned something about me not using my blinkers, but he was the only one behind me and he was like 100 feet back so, you know. And then, he mentioned something about being enough car lengths from the car in front of me. I was like, dude, I have been driving longer than you have been a cop and I haven't smashed into anyone ever! I think I'll stick with what works for me."

"You're lucky he didn't give you a ticket." Mother replied. I shrugged my shoulders. "he didn't have anything on me to write a ticket. He just wanted to pull over the great Carroll Bryant." I joked.

"The only thing great about you is how well you can piss people off. Maybe you shouldn't write blog posts about them and they won't pull you over to harass you."

"Oh," I jumped on that quickly, "they are not harassing me, they're just proving my point that they're idiots and criminals with badges."

"Whatever." Mother moaned. "I wish they would hurry up and get me something for this pain."

Sure enough, just as she finished that sentence, in came the male nurse, and she got the morphine! And mommy likey very much. lol

However, her heart rate was running wild and they couldn't get it to slow down to a preferable level so they kept her overnight for observation. Anyhow, during my visit, and around noon, another hospital employee entered. (They were entering all morning. About four or so employees who came in and introduced themselves to me and shook my hand and then left.) This employee though was a friend of the family from back in the day. Almost 20 years back that is. The last time I saw this girl she was like 9 or 10 years old. My little sister used to babysit her. But at first glance, I didn't recognize her. I thought she was some 50 year old looking employee. She is only about 28 or so. I felt bad about thinking that and when she left, I shared that with my mother. But while she was there, she gave mother attention. This woman saw my mothers name on some list, and according to her, she also heard that someone of notoriety was visiting her. Not only was she concerned for my mothers well being, she also wanted to meet this person of interest. Turns out, it was me that some of the staff was talking about. "Me?" I was surprised to learn.

"Yes." She said. "Some of the people here have read your books. You're writing Ted's biography too, right? They know who you are. I just didn't know it was YOU." She laughed off.

My mother shook her head. "I still haven't gotten used to your semi-popular popularity." She told me. (And the truth is, I don't think I have either.) A handful of the staff coming in like that to say hello to me is head scratching. Nobody asked for autographs though. Maybe THAT was against the rules. lol But it still makes me think sometimes. I really do forget that there are people out there who know who I am. And they still want to meet me? *Gulp* That's the scary part.

At least they took care of mother. That was the most important thing to me. Still, I hope this doesn't affect my future lunch plans. Sometimes I like to drop in and eat at the hospital cafeteria. The food is actually pretty good. lol My mother thinks I'm nuts. "Who goes to a hospital for the sole purpose of lunch?"

Hey, what can I say, I like their spaghetti, and other pasta dishes. They also make a great turkey sandwich. And their prices are competitive too. lol

Hopefully, mother will stop being so paranoid about every little ache and pain and what not. But, at least when I have go there to see her, I can also stop and get a bite to eat. And shake some hands with people who seem to think I am worth shaking hands with. I guess we all have our own way at looking at fame or whatever. They seem to think I am someone of importance. I can live with that. :)

A Carroll Bryant Secret: Carroll's Journey

There have been many people who have asked why it is I write so much. There is no clear cut answer. I never woke up and said I wanted to be a writer. I never sat down at a table and tried to write a poem or a song or anything. I do not sit around and try to come up with clever quotes and what not. It has always been a case of "who done it?"

I do have some theories on why I have written so much, and I think it has something to with my internal vision. I'll explain.

You see, I always felt that I was receiving some kind of signal or message from some other planet. I always thought it was an energy or something that, for whatever reason, was targeting me. I base this theory also on an experience I had on Christmas Eve when I was 9 years old. But there is something else that has been happening to me that I have never ever revealed to anyone. Not my best friends, not my family, not even to my mother. But ever since I was about 15, whenever I close my eyes and place my thumb and the adjoining finger to the bridge of my nose and squeeze either side, I get a vision of a greenish blue bubble. It is perfectly circled and resembles almost like some kind of see-through window. Within seconds, I can begin to see shadows walking across inside the circle. They are merely silhouettes but I can see they are short, they have big heads, and they have three digits on their hands when they wave at me. And yes, a few will stop for a moment and wave at me. As soon as I release the bridge of my nose, it all disappears.

I know it sounds crazy. This is probably why I never revealed it before. But it is something that happens to me. They do not appear every single time, but when they do appear, I get a really warm and friendly feeling inside of my body.

So yeah, I think these people are somehow sending me the energy I need to write as much as I do because believe me, if I could stop, I would. But when you are compelled to do something, you just do it.

I also think that I am more vulnerable to other people's energy too. I can often pick up on people's energy and kind of predict the future at times. I can even pick up on dead people energy. When I lived by a graveyard one time, for about three years, I went through one of the most amazing periods of my writing life. I wrote about 500 poems / lyrics during that time.

But back to seeing the future - I remember one day I was watching a baseball game. It was Atlanta Braves and they were playing the Mets I think. But it was the bottom of the last inning and Atlanta was coming up to bat and they were trailing by 4 runs. I was watching my little sister at the time and she was playing with her dolls on the floor in front of the TV and she said, "Sorry your team lost."

I replied, "They haven't lost yet, kiddo. They are are going to come back and win, you just watch."

"It doesn't look good, bubby." She stated.

I smiled. "The first batter is going to get a double. The second batter is going to get a double. The third batter will ground out but the baserunner will advance to third. The next batter will walk." I said, and went on to describe for her how the Braves were going to come back and win, batter for batter.

My sister sat there on the floor and stared at me like I was crazy, and then the game came back on and her jaw dropped to the floor as everything I had just told her would unfold right before her eyes, batter for batter. I think she has always been a little scared of me every since that time. One thing was for sure, I even freaked myself out. I remember excusing myself to go outside and smoke a ciggy real quick, but I also wanted to shake my head in shock as I even wondered to myself, "What the hell was that all about?"

But i have had many more visions. Mostly just a few seconds into the future when I can visualize trouble up ahead and stuff. It happened so many times that I actually wanted to believe in "angels", but soon realized it was a female from another star that was watching out for me. I still call her my "angel" though. I have written a lot about her. And them.

I don't know why I was chosen at 9 years old, but I believe it will be explained to me when I leave this earth and return home. And no, I do not see planet earth as my home. I am from somewhere out there. I think Vega. It could be Sirius or maybe even somewhere from the Sagittarius star system. Either way, I feel so connected to the universe. This is what gets me through my days these days.

Recently, my mother was hospitalized and put on a respirator. By the time I arrived my sister was holding her hand and completely in tears. The fear of losing mother was all over her face. I walked around to mother's other side and placed my hand on her forehead. I closed my eyes for about 30 seconds then opened them and looked at my sister. "Her energy is strong. She will be okay."

My sister smiled and within moments, she stopped her crying. When it comes to important things like this, she trusts me. She still thinks it's creepy, but she knows I can connect with the universe. In truth, this thing also creeps me out sometimes too. But I trust in this thing. I trust in this energy. I trust in this vision. It has guided me to this point so why abandon it now? I can't. I couldn't even if I wanted to. It's out of my control. And so is my writing. This is why I turned it all over to Carroll Absolom Bryant - in so the real me can continue to be the real me and go out and live some kind of life. So far, it has been working according to the prophecy that was whispered to me in the wind one evening. Life has been great for me thus far. I wish everyone could live life like I have and enjoy all the wonderful things there is to enjoy. Unfortunately, some are not that lucky. I think it is many of these unlucky people who end up becoming internet bullies. But that is just my guess.

As for my writing, it has slowed down a lot again lately. I went several years only writing a handful of new things until about two years ago, when I had another mad rush of whispers running through my mind. The past year or so, pretty much nothing. But I am hoping for at least one more flurry of whispers sometime soon. But that's the thing, I am always hoping for one more whisper.

And now you know my secret. 

Carroll's Journey: Love Knock Know

THIS IS A RANT! ... THIS IS ONLY A RANT!

What is wrong with you? Seriously! What the hell is wrong with you? I helped to practically raise you. I fed you. I dressed you. I read you stories when you were a little girl. I cared for you and protected you and played with you and then you go on and treat me like this? Like shit? Like I am nothing?

You give me no respect. You give me no trust. What the hell did I ever do to you that was so bad that you have to go thinking I am some kind of horrible monster or something?

You didn't even seem too concerned when I nearly lost my life from a heart-attack. What is that all about? It's almost like you wished I would have died. That's what I picked up from your behavior. And I don't understand why. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to please you anymore. Never! You have allowed yourself to create a fantasy in your head and you won't let it go. You make me a victim of your stupidity. You pushed me away and I'm pretty damn sure you're absolutely thrilled about it. 

You have no idea how many times I have wanted to call you a bitch but then I realize it is pointless because that would just be flattery for you. 

I did everything I could to show you love. You were my world. The one thing that could never be tainted. Then you became tainted. You followed the same footsteps of your other half brother and sister. Two fucking idiots that, like you, think they are better than me. 

But I know it's not all entirely your fault. You were raised by your mother. As was the other two. There is a connection. A pattern. But you .... I thought you were smarter than they were. I thought you were better than they were. I WAS WRONG! ...... So, so wrong. 

You have pushed me away. Just like the other two. And just like the other two, you win. And ... YOU LOSE! You lost one of just a few people in this world that would have given their life for you. That can't be good. 

Don't come knocking on my door anymore. Not that you ever did before. Not that it matters to me now. Not that it ever will again. Just know this: I don't care anymore. 

So go ahead and tell your children that it was all me. Forget to mention that it was you who pushed me away with some stupid notion of yours. Forget to tell them that you have spent the past 20 years thinking you were so much better than me. Smarter than me. Go ahead, tell them! But we both know that is not true. I am the better one. I am the smarter one. Because I didn't betray someone who showed me nothing but love all my life. YOU DID! 

And for this, I hate you. 

I will always hate you from this point forward.

You, like them, don't deserve me.

It is I who deserve better.

A better older brother.

A better older sister.

A better younger sister.

A better family in general. 

Or maybe I got what I deserved.

Let the following be the last words I say to you.

I will always love you.

 

Piketon Super Cops! (Carroll's Journey)

Nothing is as funny as watching a movie where they portray the cops as "dumb-asses". Some would say it's Hollywood taking liberties to juice up a film. If you happen to be one of these people who think police officers couldn't possibly be as dumb as, say, Super Troopers, then you haven't been to Piketon, Ohio.

Trust me, our law enforcement is a joke and a punchline. (Both at the same time.)

Many of you already know my run-ins with these dork-holes. Like when Officer Ratcliffe tried to get an employee of the Duchess Shoppe to file false charges against me just so he could come to my home and arrest me. What a dick-wad! lol

 The reason I bring it up is because I was talking to a new friend who just happened to tell me about this guy who lives up here on the hill that they (The Piketon Police) are - "WATCHING CLOSELY, AND SO ARE THE FEDS"

LMAO!

This is when I told my new friend, "Yeah, that's me. Although, I always thought it was the other way around, and I am watching them."

You see, when I first moved to Piketon, I was stopped walking back from the store (with bags in my hand) by Officer Ratcliffe. He watched me walk down the hill from my home and to the store, where I entered, and shortly thereafter, exited and headed the same way back home. But according to officer Ratcliffe, and the rest of the Piketon "Keystone" police, that was enough suspicious activity from me to warrant a "stop".

Again, LMAO!

Ever since that night, we (the Piketon police, and I) have been at odds. We don't like each other, not one bit. There are / were a couple officers I am okay with, but for the most part, chief "Wiggums" and another officer, officer Jenkins, are a couple of dinkle-dorfs who may have watched one too many Steven Seagal movies or something.

 But the Piketon police officers are famously known around these parts for harassing citizens. It's kind of like, their thing. And for the most part, the citizens don't really stand up to them for it because there is a small "fear" factor. Most of the people they target though is people with a past record or clouded history. They target these people because they are easy targets. However, this is one of the reasons why they dislike me, because they may have figured I "looked" like a past history type and wouldn't stand up for myself or fight back in any way, shape, or form.. They were so wrong. This is why they can't mess with me and why I can (and do) totally fuck with them now.

But the fact that this new guy on the block starts talking with me and we become friends and then he mentions how the cops around here "warned" him about me - in a way - and told him about me is very funny. It means that I am living rent free inside their heads. It means they know I am watching them to make sure they are not harassing the citizens anymore. And when they tell others that "they are watching me", the truth is, "I am watching them".

The Piketon police may be dumb-asses, but they are dangerous. They are dangerous because they practice "rights violations".  And for the people they target, it's hard for them to stand up to them because of their police records of the past, so I take it upon my shoulders to try and look out for - not just them - but all citizens. I try to protect them as best I can from a corrupt police force. I do this because I can. Because I do not have a police record. I do this also because I believe all police should have someone watching them, making sure they stay in line themselves. All police need to be policed. It's way too easy to abuse their authority. And trust me, most of them do. The good ones turn away from it.

Ratcliffe went on to get a job with the Waverly police shortly after he and mine scuffle. Jism-jaws Jenkins (Ricky) still patrols the town, but with a watchful eye on him. (My eye.) Chief "Wiggums" Nelson still scarfs down the donuts at record pace. And as for mayor Billy Spencer, well, I don't know what the hell his problem is or why he allows the police to harass the citizens, but that is the life here in this town. If you ever move here, just count the days before they see you and target you for one their little harassment games. Until then, this is SUPER CITIZEN Carroll Bryant keeping an eye on the SUPER COPS of the village of Piketon in Piketon, Ohio.

Ya'll come back now ...... ya here? 

And P.S. "Wiggums", if you or your officers have anything to say about me, come say it to my face. Bitches.

Carroll's Journey; Kashmir

Let's just kick this post off with the fantastic news that upon my last doctor visit on Feb. 11th, everything looks great! I have 98% oxygen / blood flow, cholesterol is down, my energy is constantly up, blood pressure great and stable, weight is still down and being maintained, hey, I'm feeling pretty damn good too. Right now, it looks like a full recovery. I actually feel about as good as I did 20 years ago. The doctor is very impressed with how I have handled this transition in my life. The fact is, when you suffer a heart-attack, your whole life really does turn upside down. I wasn't sure I could change with the changes. I really didn't. I loved my life pre-heart-attack. I was looking forward to living that way for decades to come. And by that way I mean, smoking, drinking, x-box, sex, running around, more sex, and more drinking, smoking, fast-foods, and sex. (Do you see my joy?)

Things couldn't have gotten any better, and they didn't. They got worse. I had a heart-attack! Bye, bye smoking and drinking. I can still run around but not as much and not for as long. (I hope that changes this summer) O_o

As for the sex, well, I have managed to get a few stiffies the past 5 months. It's still the one thing that is going to take a little time because of the trauma my body went through for the stents insertion. The doctor says it's still going to take a little time. Perhaps a few more months. Meanwhile, I have found new ways to fill my time. Things are slowly beginning to get back to normal. I'm beginning to return to some of my old self. I know there are a few people out there who probably wishes I didn't get back to the old me. To those I say, sorry, but I am who I am and that's all I can be. I doubt I will ever go back to smoking. I might have a drink here and there in the future, but that's about it. And once my body gets back to 100 percent, I'm sure the horn-dog in me will return also. I have always had a very strong sex drive. Too strong, many would say.

Anyhow, my next doctors appointment isn't for six months so, that should about tell you how great I am doing. I will be taking another "echo" in about July, just to make sure there are setbacks for my heart disease. The lack of smoking though is what might be behind the change so much. I CAN BREATHE!

Looking forward to getting back into the studio and I even had plans to do so this weekend (today in fact) however, I have had a few household problems that caused me to cancel - one of which was the heating unit went out and the day it is going to be fixed is actually today. I will reschedule the studio for hopefully later this month or early March.

As for my family problems, my mother and I have somewhat worked out our differences but, as for me and my little sister, not much has changed. I'm still not at a level where I feel comfortable being around her. I miss Caden and the twins but, I have to stand up for myself because nobody else will. It's a rough road.

I'm just glad I am getting back to the me I used to be. And being the me I never thought I could be. I'm learning more and more about myself and the universe that I don't think I could have ever learned before the heart-attack. I guess this is what they mean when they say you should take something bad and find the silver-lining. (Whomever "they" is.)

Can't wait for Spring and Summer!

   

Carroll's Journey: Bimbos

The sweatshirt business just might be a good venture, don't you think?. Don't know what will become of it, but I hear it's a blast. Probably. I have some ideas so we'll see what develops in the near future. Did you know you can sell your ideas and concepts? Provided someone wants to buy them. There's always a catch, right?

Already had some business interactions but I don't think it's anything to talk about for right now. I have come to learn that there is no such thing as a definite. An interest is an interest and an idea is just that, an idea. People are gonna do what they want to do in the end so, never hold your breath. (You'll only turn blue in the face.) But you never know, sometimes the simplest idea can turn into a million dollar baby. Confused? Well, it's a Bryant thing. You wouldn't understand. (Ha-ha)

Ultimately, I'd rather spend my time trying to do something constructive if I can. Or coming up with zingers like .... "After having a heart-attack, my goal is to make it through this year alive .... or die trying." LOL Come on, that was funny. Or maybe this ...."I want to make someone laugh until they die, and never let anyone know it was I who killed them. O_o The perfect crime. O_O" You see, I am a riot these days, and not just another dumb blonde bimbo.

I have had some family issues of late. Turns out I am now an orphan. I'm not going to let it get me down. I will keep my spirits up. But family is not always in the blood - but rather whom you carry in your heart. I realize that there is probably no such thing as a "perfect family", still,  I think I can do better. At least, I deserve better. Anyhow, I spent 20 years putting up with some stupid shit that most people wouldn't have put up with for a moment. It's just time to make some more changes in my life.

Just found out that the new "Redbone" band has been singing my song "I Want Your Love" live at the "Bimbos Night Club" located in North Beach in San Francisco, California. Parts of one of their performances of my song can be heard on a January 4th, 2015 "Chance To Have It All" radio show (KCLA). (They spelled my name "Carole" Bryant.) lol I should have just called myself Bob Smith. Haha That is pretty cool though. Below is a link to that specific show if anyone cares to wanna hear it. Thanks to Pat Vegas and the gang for singing. Glad you like the song.

Chance To Have It All Radio Show KCLA 

I'll be putting up another page for the "Chance to Have It All" charity, just give me a little time. I took the old page down because I am done with my donation run. But I still believe in the "Chance To Have It All" idea. (And I just love Pat and Acela to pieces.) LOL

Really been missing fantasy football. It's always like this though when the season ends. (Especially when I had such an awesome season.) I go through my with-drawls every year. Soon, the Superbowl will come and pass and I'll be looking forward to the free agent portion of the off season, and hope Dallas and Tampa Bay sign someone worthy to help them win games next year. Then I will look forward to the draft. After that, and before I know it, it will be time to draft again for fantasy football. Hopefully this time, I don't have another heart-attack when the season begins again. Also hopefully, my family will come to their senses and we can get this problem between us rectified. I've learned a long time ago not to hold my breath. Then again, I am a blonde bimbo. I am always an optimistic who is addicted to being wrong about people.  Or something to that effect. I have also learned that when someone pushes you away, don't fight it. Just go with the flow. Don't be a bimbo about it. 

Carroll's Journey: Gowing Crayzee

I have decided to change the title of my journal to "journey". (Not to be mistaken for one of the greatest rock bands ever!) The reason for this is probably because I am going insane and needed to do something to validate that feeling.

When I was younger, I was never one to get much involved with politics. In hindsight, I wish I would have because it is all screwed up. Sometimes I think that if I had gotten more involved there would be more people with commonsense. Then again, sometimes I feel like I am the only one in America who isn't stupid or a communist / socialist. But that's only because I don't belong to any democratic or republican group. Nor do I belong to any church or religion so I also do not have to be bound by religious rules or ways of life. I am pretty much a free man. I think for myself and not for any organization. A true free spirit. I'm the only one who tells me what to believe. I wish everyone could feel how good that is.

On the medical front; My heart is still beating so .... that's good, I guess. I think. No, of course it is good. Been having a wonderful time playing with Caden and the twins over the holidays. Little Atley is a handful. He is always smiling and laughing and making funny faces. He loves it when uncle Carz holds him. He's taken fond of me it seems. Precious Paisley is a little reserved. She has a select few of people she allows to hold her for now. So it would seem that the ambitious, if not rambunctious, one is Atley. He is the "dreamer" of the two and Paisley is the "down to earth" one. The conservative. While Atley will just jump right into things without a care, Paisley wants to dip her toes in the water first. She's the reasonable one.

I guess the extension of my life was worth it to be there for all of their birthdays and especially the twins first birthday. And again, the holidays were great. But I was supposed to get some heart tests done this month and was going to get the results of those tests on Feb. 11th, my next doctor appointment. However, I got to thinking that maybe I didn't want to know if my heart was getting better, worse or staying about the same. Seriously, do I really want to know if my heart is getting worse? And that I should get on a list? The fact is, I would never put my name on a list at this stage in the game. I think any good donor heart should go to someone young who has a lot more years left to live than I. The younger the better. But that's just the way I feel about it so if I'm not even going to bother putting my name on a list then why worry about how well my heart is going? I mean, I know how I feel and I feel great. It's over four months since my last cigarette. I am proud of that accomplishment and even more prouder that I didn't need any stupid patches. I have always said, the best way to quit anything is to just stop doing it.

I want the rest of my life to be like the first part of my life, and be a surprise. What happens happens. I know the doctor wants to know but, he's just gonna have settle for a job well done to this point and let me continue building off the good things that have happened recently, and with my recovery. In fact, I feel so good that I challenged a 16 year football player to a race after he jokingly called me "old man". We raced a 40 (40 yard dash) on the football field with his father timing us both. The kid won but, only by a few feet. (About a yard.) In my defense, the kid dropped to the ground for a few moments and was huffing and puffing harder than I. Unfortunately, for the next few days after that race, I was restricted to house duty for soreness of muscles. (Ha-ha)

So my physical recovery time is a little longer than it used to be, that will all be rectified shortly with my new workout routine getting put together for the start of this Spring. Still, there are some people close to me who don't know quite what to think about my "not knowing" the condition of my heart.

I have always rubbed many the wrong way. Some think I do it on purpose, that I am a little hard or difficult or grizzled - rough around the edges - because I enjoy ticking people off. Okay, yeah, maybe, but .... I am also like I am and make things difficult sometimes to challenge others when I think they need challenging. I have parted ways with most of my young friends from Goodreads because it was in their best interest. Some friendships just weren't meant to be. The few who remain are highly intelligent and ambitious people who are unique in their own special way. They are on a higher level of thinking and living - the same level I lived on - and they are in the process of doing some great things. In the beginning stages anyway. Those are the people I love to watch fly because they will fly the highest. It's the crayzee ones who have the most fun.

There have been several people who have asked me how it really felt being so close to death. I tell you all that I have been in the clutches of death at least a dozen times throughout my life (for various reasons), and each time was the same - it was calm, not very painful at all, and in fact, dying and being so close to death has always felt like arms holding you as you go to sleep. It's very peaceful. It really is. Almost comforting. No, it is comforting. Then again, I am not afraid of dying so maybe it's just like that for me. And perhaps I am not afraid of death because I live free in my beliefs and in the knowledge of the universe. I don't know. But it is relaxing or at least, this last time around, it was very relaxing. The only thing that was hurting was my heart from the heart-attack. There's really nothing to fear, crossing over. It's just another part of the journey. The journey of Carz.

So I am back to my old self yet, new self at the same time. I am back to my usual no good things and my secret do-gooder things. I make some people feel like a million bucks and others to feel like they want to strangle me. Some times you have to treat people differently in order to treat them the same or I.E. to get the best out of them and them out of themselves. And sometimes, you got to stir the damn pot otherwise, stuff start to stick on the sides and the bottom and trust me ..... you don't want that. It will get you to start gowing crayzee.

P.S. - A short while ago I thought I would try something new - that something didn't quite last so long or work out as I thought it would. In short, I caved. Let's just say that non-sexual relationships are hard to wiggle through. But I found a new toy which to play. I also discovered a couple new things about the universe so 2015 looks pretty good from where I'm sitting. Always remember, you can't be having that much fun if you're not getting dirty. Cleaning up afterwards is the best part of getting dirty. (He-he)

Here is my advice for everyone - EAT MORE CRANBERRIES / DRINK MORE CRANBERRY JUICE.

The secret message is: "She's a lot like you."

Carroll's Journal: Already Spoken For

"Why are you not married?" The strange lady asked me. "You're not a bad looking fellow."

"Thank you." I replied. "But I am married." I glanced at the pen which was tucked inside my shirt pocket before looking back at the woman. "Not only that," I continued, "but we have hundreds and hundreds of children."

Her dazed and confused appearance was more than obvious on her face. I could tell she wanted to ask me another question, but she just couldn't seem to put a coherent sentence together to save her own life. Her feeble reaction to what I said left her a little speechless and so I spared her any further embarrassment. "You see," I went into full detail, "I am a writer. I'm married to my ink pen. When I 'make love' to it, it gives me a child in the form of a poem or a story, or a song. Believe me," I stipulated in the middle of her ironic gasp, "it's beautiful."

Our dialogue had concluded for all intent purposes, considering that she never again made it past her stumbling / mumbling behavior. I did hear her grumble something about me being crazy when she turned to make her way. Maybe she is right. Maybe I am nuts. I'm still not about to apologize to her, or to anybody, for my life choices. And no matter how you slice and dice it all, the end result will always remain the same.

I'm the father. The writer.

The pen is the mother. 

The story, poem or song is the child.

And I am happily married forever.