Carroll's Journal 47 (Hollywood Wedgie)

How old is too old to give a wedgie? How young is too young to receive a wedgie? The world may never know … but know this ….

While celebrating my mothers one millionth birthday, everybody was gathered in the living-room watching her open gifts when somebody mentioned the word wedgie. (I wasn’t keeping up with the convo so, I’m unsure how that happened too.) My little 6 year old nephew looked up from the floor all wide eyed while playing with some hot-wheels I brought him and asked, “Uncle bubby, what’s a wedgie?”

I glance over at my sister (his mother) and cut a shit eating grin. She looks back at me shaking her head. “No, Carroll.”

I start nodding my head. “Yes.”

“No.”

“The boy has to learn sometime.” I reasoned.

She squints her eyes and grits her teeth.

I get up off the chair I was in and walk to my nephew. Everybody clams up and looks on as I lift him to his feet off the floor. “Hey little buddy, I’ll show you what a wedgie is.”

He has a smile on his face as big as the Grand Canyon. He just loves to learn new things. I go for a high five with him because that excites him. When you give a high five, to him, that indicates something fun and exciting could happen at any moment. (Or has just happened) In this case, it was about to happen!

I run my hand over his head real quick then bend over and reach down the back of him and grab the waistband of his little Incredible Hulk underwear and pull. Gone was the smile, replaced by a horrified look on his eyes. I lifted him about two inches off the ground before his feet were planted back again and almost immediately, he began jumping around like a little circus monkey and holding his butt, yelling in a high pitched voice, “Why? Why? Why? That’s stupid, Uncle bubby, stupid, stupid, stupid! What do you hope to gain with this?”

(And scene)

By this time, myself and everyone else was on the floor laughing as he continued to dance and prance furiously. It was so hilarious.

A couple weeks later and … I hear he just got in trouble at school (for the first time) because he gave some kid a wedgie. My sister calls me up. “I hate you.” She jokes. (Or maybe she wasn’t.) LOL I asked her to put him on the phone and I could hear him in the background saying, “I don’t want to talk to him. I got into trouble because of him and my butt still hurts, Uncle bubby! I can‘t poop straight anymore!”

***Cue laughter ***

Good news on the Vasey interview front: Karl Vasey has informed me that he (and the rest of the band) are interested in doing an interview. I’m really excited about this because I think in a few years, we’re going to be watching these guys on MTV. They have a solid team of professionals behind them and some really good songs to share with the world. I feel very fortunate to have this opportunity to interview them on the cusp of their ride. I think for my readers, this should be exciting to know that I am presenting to you a group that is about to make that break-through and we get in on the ground floor right here on my blog. The rest of the world will be catching up to us where knowing these guys are concerned. This could only be the beginning though because when I go out on my trips to California and such, I will always be on the look-out for musicians and actors to meet and make friends with and hopefully, share some insight with all of you.

You never know what is on the horizon on my blog. You never know what I am going to post and who we’re going to get to meet here. Give me some time, I am going to be working in the future to try and get Rick Springfield on here with an interview. As all of you know, Rick has been the biggest influence on my writing behind Elvis Presley so maybe I can swing an interview. We’ll see how it goes.

Speaking of trips to California, I was planning on going back there, leaving tomorrow, however, I am going to delay it for a week. The reason? I got some inside info about a possible “small” role in a movie. As it turns out, according to my inside contact, the movie may be coming to Ohio. And not too far from where I reside. In fact, I could get there within an hour or less. Anyhow, it is a horror movie based on the novel “Crooked Tree”, by Robert C. Wilson and was a NYT best seller in 1980, if I’m not mistaken. Plus, I was scheduled to return on Saturday. I was reminded yesterday that Saturday is my little buddies B-Day. Yeah, I’m not missing that. Hollywood can wait.

Rumor also has it that Johnny Depp is up for the lead role.

And so, I will be looking into trying to audition for a small role or perhaps be an extra and also set my sights on another film that may be coming to Ohio after that in which I caught wind of. It is a historically based western - from what I understand. Which means, cowboys and Indians. I could play an Indian. Anyway, that is what is cooking on my stove right now. I am toying with the possibility of trying my hand at acting. My only concern is that it takes me away from my writing and songs. We’ll see. I guess the good part of this is that these films could be filmed right here in my own backyard.

And it’s not that I want to get into acting, but that it might not hurt to try something different in the arts. I have had chances in the past that I walked away from, but for some odd reason, the universe keeps presenting me with these opportunities, maybe it is about time I give it the old college try, and see what happens. With my nephews birthday coming up this Saturday - he will be six years old - I can always get some input from my family in regards to this acting gig I am debating internally. I have a niece who is into horror flicks, maybe she would like a stab at joining me in auditioning.

It’s just too bad that Etta’s Lunch Box Café and Museum has closed down. It used to be a nice little eatery located in the New Plymouth area of Hocking Hills Ohio. (Where this film is expected to be shot) The diner was owned and operated by my long time friend, Ladora Ousley, who has shut the doors after her husband Tim passed away a couple of years ago. She has made a few appearances on the Food Channel with her cooking and recipes. She’s almost as good a cook as me. LOL Okay, maybe she is slightly better. But only slightly. Still, if she ever does decide to re-open it, I would recommend you drop by if you’re ever in that area.

Moving on ….

OMG!I just can’t get this image out of my head. A buddy of mine revealed that sometimes, when he misses his girlfriend, he will wear one of her thongs. ***Shudders*** That’s not right. Anyhow, I wish he wouldn’t have told me. What would happen if someone were to - say - decide to give him a wedgie? How embarrassing would that be? “Dude, what the …..?”

“Um, yeah … uh … like … that’s my girlfriends thong dude. You just ripped my girlfriends thong. She paid like …. Twenty dollars for that thing.”

“Yeah, but why are you wearing her thong?”

“I miss her.”

“Okay. Here is twenty dollars for the thong. And here is fifty bucks for therapy for you. Speaking of which, I now need some therapy myself.”

(And scene)

Maybe he wouldn’t be so embarrassed after all. I mean, he did voluntarily reveal to me that he wears them on occasion. Wait! (Gulp) He did reveal to me that he wears them on occasion. Why did he reveal to me that he wears them on occasion?

Double gulp!

Wedgie!

“Why? Why? Why? That’s stupid, Uncle bubby, stupid, stupid, stupid! What do you hope to gain with this?”

Sorry about that little buddy. Consider it a milestone in your cute, adorable, young little life. And speaking of milestones, I haven’t gotten drunk for well over three months. Maybe four. (I lost track.)

Insert happy dance here -à (_________)

Okay, I don’t do happy dances. But if I were to do a happy dance, you could insert it in the aforementioned space above.

Is it just me, or has Ralphie May let himself go?

He has bigger breasts than my girlfriend. He’s still funny though. And laughter is always better than violence. An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. Words to think about.

Sorry again, my little buddy, about the wedgie thingy. Hey, look on the bright side though, it was better than pulling my finger, yes? … Yes? …. ***Crickets*** … No?

“Why? Why? Why? That’s stupid, Uncle bubby, stupid, stupid, stupid! What do you hope to gain with this?”

(And scene)

Random thought: “For a portly girl, and one of a shallow personality, she is particular when it comes to guys. No wonder she is alone.”