Carroll's Journey; Kashmir

Let's just kick this post off with the fantastic news that upon my last doctor visit on Feb. 11th, everything looks great! I have 98% oxygen / blood flow, cholesterol is down, my energy is constantly up, blood pressure great and stable, weight is still down and being maintained, hey, I'm feeling pretty damn good too. Right now, it looks like a full recovery. I actually feel about as good as I did 20 years ago. The doctor is very impressed with how I have handled this transition in my life. The fact is, when you suffer a heart-attack, your whole life really does turn upside down. I wasn't sure I could change with the changes. I really didn't. I loved my life pre-heart-attack. I was looking forward to living that way for decades to come. And by that way I mean, smoking, drinking, x-box, sex, running around, more sex, and more drinking, smoking, fast-foods, and sex. (Do you see my joy?)

Things couldn't have gotten any better, and they didn't. They got worse. I had a heart-attack! Bye, bye smoking and drinking. I can still run around but not as much and not for as long. (I hope that changes this summer) O_o

As for the sex, well, I have managed to get a few stiffies the past 5 months. It's still the one thing that is going to take a little time because of the trauma my body went through for the stents insertion. The doctor says it's still going to take a little time. Perhaps a few more months. Meanwhile, I have found new ways to fill my time. Things are slowly beginning to get back to normal. I'm beginning to return to some of my old self. I know there are a few people out there who probably wishes I didn't get back to the old me. To those I say, sorry, but I am who I am and that's all I can be. I doubt I will ever go back to smoking. I might have a drink here and there in the future, but that's about it. And once my body gets back to 100 percent, I'm sure the horn-dog in me will return also. I have always had a very strong sex drive. Too strong, many would say.

Anyhow, my next doctors appointment isn't for six months so, that should about tell you how great I am doing. I will be taking another "echo" in about July, just to make sure there are setbacks for my heart disease. The lack of smoking though is what might be behind the change so much. I CAN BREATHE!

Looking forward to getting back into the studio and I even had plans to do so this weekend (today in fact) however, I have had a few household problems that caused me to cancel - one of which was the heating unit went out and the day it is going to be fixed is actually today. I will reschedule the studio for hopefully later this month or early March.

As for my family problems, my mother and I have somewhat worked out our differences but, as for me and my little sister, not much has changed. I'm still not at a level where I feel comfortable being around her. I miss Caden and the twins but, I have to stand up for myself because nobody else will. It's a rough road.

I'm just glad I am getting back to the me I used to be. And being the me I never thought I could be. I'm learning more and more about myself and the universe that I don't think I could have ever learned before the heart-attack. I guess this is what they mean when they say you should take something bad and find the silver-lining. (Whomever "they" is.)

Can't wait for Spring and Summer!