Joke #7 "Deep Thoughts" by Skip Skeeter

So I have this friend named Skip, but we all call him Skeeter. He has some deep thoughts from time to time and when we sit down every now and then to play some poker, he shares them with us. He asked me if I would post some of them on my blog, so I figured, what the heck. And here is the first batch. Enjoy.

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And now, "Deep Thoughts" by Skip Skeeter.
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It’s always good to wake up in the morning after a heavy night of drinking, knowing that the girl you met while intoxicated is still in the bed with you. What sucks is when she rolls over and her appearance makes you want to regurgitate.

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And now, “Deep Thoughts” by Skip Skeeter.

When I was a young man, and a prostitute offered me sex for twenty dollars, I always got excited. Now, many years later and with inflation, when they offer me sex for twenty dollars, I have to wonder, why so cheap? Does she have an STD? So I use a condom to make sure I don’t catch anything. And if I don’t have a condom on me, I pay the twenty dollars anyway and risk it. But I don’t get as excited about it as I used to. Well, maybe I do, I just prefer not to show it.

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And now, “Deep Thoughts” by Skip Skeeter.

Death is always a mystery, but I wonder, do we reflect on our lives as they claim we do right before we die? I mean, what questions do we ask ourselves in those final moments of life? Did we live right? Did we do the best we could? Will we be missed? I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure if I were on a rollercoaster and it skipped off the track and went flying through the air before nose diving towards the ground, my last thought would be, “Damn it!”

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And now, “Deep Thoughts” by Skip Skeeter.

Just to make myself perfectly clear, I am against slapping a girl across the face. Unless she asks me to. In which case, I would slap that bitch silly. But only in bed. There is something to be said for rough sex. Actually, I don’t think I would limit myself to just the bed, I’m pretty sure I would slap her in the kitchen if she burnt my meatloaf dinner. But only if she asked me to. Then again, it would be nice if she paid me to slap her. Yeah, that would be sweet.

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And now, “Deep Thoughts” by Skip Skeeter.

Often times I wonder, where would we be without toilet paper? It was a pretty good invention. Could you imagine the alternative without it? I can’t. And next time I use the potty, I am going to give toilet paper a try. Pinky swear. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to wash my hands.

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And now, “Deep Thoughts” by Skip Skeeter.

I say, "you can drink an ugly girl pretty, but you can't drink a fat girl thin." My wife says, "you can drink an ugly man handsome, but you can't drink a small penis large."