That Sucks (Carroll's Journal #2)

I just woke up from a nightmare. Talk about radical.

I walked outside to smoke a cigarette and dwell a little in what my mind concocted while I was sleeping. I don’t really want to get into it, but one thing I have concluded is, love sucks.

Okay, maybe not love, but loving someone who hates you sucks big time. Worse than that, not being able to lose myself in my writing because she is there too. Even more worse than that, knowing that she is shadowing me and … no, I am not going to continue with this stupid dribble. She hates you Carroll, get over it! Why can’t you get over it?

With all of our technology, you’re telling me that we can’t invent a button that we can click and zap! Emotions be-gone! LOL That would be cool.

Well, what do you know, I discovered I am human after all. Huh! Go figure. Nice timing heart. I would say that I vow to never play the game of love again but then, I would only be losing by forfeit. There’s no honor in that, is there?

Why does it rain 102.3 % of the time?

I think I will go and make me a sammitch.

Do you know the difference between a sandwich and a sammitch? Well, a sandwich is just a sandwich, but a sammitch is ……….. WOW!!!

Then I think about Brittany. I think if I asked her to marry me, she would. Even after my Valentine’s Day blunder. She still had that look in her eyes when we mutually agreed to ‘just be friends’ in the Walmart.

Let me say that again … THE WALMART!!!!

Yeah, we walked into the store a couple and by the time we made it to the check out line, we were ‘just friends’. And while we’re on the subject, just what the hell is JUST FRIENDS anyway? I mean, what does it mean? “Sorry babe, I love you but, let’s be just friends.”

That’s what “she” said. The girl who haunts my dark soul. And look how that turned out.

Give me a freaking break.

It’s tough enough to give up on one dream in a lifetime, but I gave up on two dreams in the past nine months. Now I am staring down the barrel of losing my best friend on Goodreads too because of this whole stupid stinking mess.

I don’t know how much of these great times I can handle anymore. Thank goodness for my LOL’s.

Okay! Gloomy Gus here saying …. May my next journal post be cheerier than cheerios. LOL But not as crunchy as the Captain.

No, I didn’t just make two breakfast cereal puns?

I even thought about getting someone to hack her accounts for revenge. I could never live with myself. It just blows monkey chunks that some people can push you to the brink of your own kindness.

And now I carry this feeling that I got set up by someone I thought was my friend. If I find out ….. You know, this is what the situation has done to me, it has me questioning everyone I consider a friend. Are they going to do me the same way SHE did? Are they just trying to play me too? I mean, this is what that girl did to me and my writing and my whole way of thinking.

I had a dream of her a few nights ago also, actually it was a nightmare. She was mocking me through my computer screen. Laughing.  So I leaped into the screen and came out on the other end and fell to the floor. When I stood up, she was standing next to Satan and two other demonic spirits. I started fighting the spirits. They were beating me silly when I awoke kicking and screaming.

This is when I suffered a mild hernia.

I have been druged up the past couple of days. It feels better now.

It’s still raining. I guess that means today is gonna suck.

That sucks.