Story Time: Addressing Ghosts

It was a little difficult handing the keys back over to Greg. Taking a last look around the apartment, I was trying to say goodbye to the person I used to be. Someone I didn't want to be. I was really excited to be going back to being with Lori. My journey to this point was nothing short of crazy. It was a wild ride.

May was now kicking in and I was back on my ship. I was back in the barber shop. A new kid was assigned to us by the name of Simon. Now we had four barbers.

Back on the home front, everything was going pretty good. Lori and I was getting along just fine now. This is when her uncle Waylon and I started to get to know one another better. I was also getting to know Waylon Jr. too. I started calling him just Jr.

It was the first weekend of May when I came out from the house and saw the two Waylon's working on Tiffany's car. She had come over today for that purpose. When she saw from Waylon's kitchen table that Lori and I were up, she quickly excused herself from the conversation she was having with Waylon's wife, Gloria, to sit with Lori. I was standing there watching them fix it when she brushed by me. "Morning Carroll." She smiled.

"They getting that fixed?" I asked. She looked back quickly. "I don't think they know what they're doing." Then she disappeared inside. I walked over to join them just in time to hear Waylon yelling at Jr. "Damn it boy, hold the goddamn thing still so I can screw the bolt in."

"I am dad, shit. Get off my ass."

"I wouldn't be on your ass if you knew what the hell you were doing."

"Screw this!" Jr. shouted back. "Do it yourself then." And off he went in a bad mood.

Waylon pulled himself from the bottom and rose to his feet, wiping his hands with a rag. "Damn kid."

"Problems?" I inquired.

"That boy is getting on my last nerve." He grunted. I moved around to the front. "Here, I'll help you."

Before long, we had made the repair. When we were done, I walked back to the house to let Tiff know. I also broke the news to Lori. "Waylon invited me to the pub for a beer. I should be back in about hour."

"Waylon is going to buy you a beer?"

I stood in the doorway. "Yes."


Tiffany now got into it. "Waylon never buys anyone a beer."

Lori looked at her. "Never."

I waved them off and left to walk across the parking lot to the pub. No sooner did I enter when the darkness of the place hit me. It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. It was nothing fancy, just a pool table, a jukebox, a few tables and one long ass bar where I noticed Waylon sitting at the far end. As soon as I sat down, he slid a beer in front of me. "Thanks for your help."

"No problem." I said. We sat there for a few minutes quietly before I initiated a topic. "Thanks for giving Lori a job. I think it will be good for her to get out from the bar scene."

"Eh," He passed it off. "I just need an accountant. The one I got now got herself knocked up. She's going to become a house wife or something when the baby comes."

"It'll still be good for her." I finished.

Waylon kept his eyes forward. "I don't know why I'm even doing this for her. She don't appreciate a damn thing I do for her no how. She's about as ungrateful as Jr. is."

"How so?" I questioned, taking a drink of my beer.

"It's just family squabbles." He mentioned.

This is when I rolled the dice. Ever since Lori told me her story, a part of me was always meaning to ask about it. I left it alone up to now because I never really knew the guy, not that I really knew him at this point, but I knew him a little better. That and the fact that Lori and I had broken up so soon like we did. But now, she and I were back together and now, I guess I was trying to make it my business. "I wouldn't call hitting on your 14 year old niece a squabble." Then I took a quick drink.

For the most part, I was kind of expecting a punch to come my way. Instead, he just turned to me with squinting eyes. "What did you say?"

I kept my composure. I knew I was treading some soft ground here. "Lori told me what happened."

"Ain't nothing happened." He snapped back. "I was drunk that night and confused is all. Besides, what concern is it of yours?"

"Probably none." I spoke. "But I am engaged to her now so maybe it is some of my concern."

He reached for a bowl of beer nuts and began to fidget on his stool. "A man makes one error in judgement and it's held against him for the rest of his life."

"Don't you think that's been a wedge between you two for all these years?"

He stared off silently before letting me know. "I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I don't want to sit here and have a beer with you anymore."

"Suite yourself." I told him. I got to my feet. "Maybe you should try and apologize to her. You'd be amazed at what an apology can do sometimes." Then I turned around and made my exit.

Any hope for him and I to bond was probably wiped away now. I respected the fact that he got her out of that foster care system and took her in and raised her, but that doesn't excuse him from putting the moves on a 14 year old girl.

I never told Lori about that conversation. To be honest, I thought it would lead to another argument. But the next couple of weeks did go by rather quickly. Lori and I finally sat down one evening and tried to come up with a date to get married on. At that time, my ship was scheduled for an August 3rd deployment. I suggested a wedding similar to that of Karen and Sanoki, but Lori wouldn't hear of it. "That's a marriage, not a wedding." She argued. "I want a wedding. The gown, the cake, the whole nine yards. I want to walk down the aisle."

"What about a honeymoon?" I questioned.

"We can take that when you get back from your next cruise." She suggested. "Provided you don't take anymore leave while you're out." She winked.

She spent the next couple of weeks searching for a place but the earliest she could find was a church that was willing on August 1st. That was pushing it rather close to my departure. There was something bugging me though, and it had been since she mentioned it. I had to finally address it with her after securing the church. We had the conversation right before bed one night. "What if we could have the honeymoon in early December?" I asked.

She looked over at me from reading a magazine. "How would that be possible? You'll be gone for six months."

"Well," I half stuttered, "what if I don't reenlist? My time comes up in November."

"You mean, leave the Navy?"

"I didn't join with intentions of making it my career." I explained to her. "I just wanted to try it on. Besides, even if I reenlist, there's a good chance I will get new orders for a new command. They could send me to Florida, California, or even somewhere overseas like Japan."

"Oouu, Florida would be nice." She smiled.

"You're missing the whole point." I tried to explain it again. "I don't think I want to reenlist."

Her eyes took on the appearance of disappointment. "Fine." She issued. "Whatever you want."

"What do you mean by that?" I was getting a little irate.

"It means do whatever the hell you want to do, that's what it means."

I grabbed her arm. "Don't do this." I said. "Don't act this way. Tell me what you think. Stop hiding your thoughts from me. Why do you have a problem with me leaving the Navy?"

She tossed the magazine down to the floor. "That's what Bernie's father did. He left the military. Then for months he went from job to job. We lived like gypsies." She then turned to me. "I'm not living like that again." She made clear. "I left him a couple months after Bernie was born and started working the Saddle. I haven't looked back since."

"What happened to Bernie's father?"

"I don't know." She coldly replied. "And quite frankly, I don't care. He went back home to Oklahoma. Haven't heard from him since."

The picture was now coming into focus. I had to take her by the shoulders. "Listen to me," I stressed, "I can make more money outside the military. Hell, I've been spending more than I'm making as it is. I've been going through my personal account at home since I arrived here. If I stay in the military, there's a pretty good chance we'll go broke in a matter of a few years."

"Then we'll start a budget now and stick to it." She reasoned.

"A what?" I declared. "A budget? I'm too young to be on a budget. If I want to buy something then I'm going to buy it. If I want to buy you and Bernie something, then I'm going to buy it."

"So what do you want to do?" She asked, as I got to my feet. "Go back to Ohio?"

"Well," I motioned, "just a moment ago you were willing to follow me wherever the Navy wanted to send me." I then crawled back onto the bed. "And we don't have to go to Ohio. We can go anywhere you want to go. We can stay here. It's not going to matter. I can make money anywhere. And I know I can make a hell of a lot more than the Navy can pay, that's for sure." I looked deeply into her eyes. "I'm not Bernie's father. So please, stop treating me like I'm him."

She looked at me tenderly. "Then what will we do?"

"How about this," I threw out for her, "we go to Chillicothe, we hang out for a while, you and Bernie can get to know my parents, then if you don't like it there, we can decide together where to go. We can come back here, or go wherever you want to go. I can set some things up and boom, we're there. Best of all, no money problems."

"What about your writing?" She now ventured.

"What about my writing?" I fired back.

"Are you still going to pursue that or what?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. What does it matter?"

"It's just ...." She started to say, but I finished for her. "It's just what? A pie in the sky dream? Spare me. I get that from my parents." I took her into my hands again from both of her shoulders. "Trust me, we won't be living paycheck to paycheck. The rest doesn't matter."

"Okay." She finally succumbed to my way of thinking. "I'll trust you, Carroll."

So it had appeared we finally came to a decision. Not that I was ruling out one more tour of duty with the Navy, it's just I still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. No matter what I decided, I just didn't want the pressure from her in the making of that decision. The way I saw it, it shouldn't matter what I wanted to do, if she loved me, she would support me with whatever I decided. Somehow, I wasn't sure she was giving me that. Even after that talk.

That Monday, after muster, I was called into the Sales Office. When I closed the door, Mr. Booty had me take a seat in front of his desk. He placed some papers in front of me. "Sign these." He requested.

"What are they?" I asked him.

"This one here," he pointed out, "is for your E-4 pay grade."

"My E-4 pay grade?" I quipped. "I'm going to be an E-4? I thought I had to take a test for that or something?"

"You already did." He winked. "You aced it. That's the other paper you need to sign."

"I aced it?" I half cocked my head with a smile. "Cool."

I started to read the papers. Mr. Booty caught this. "Don't read them, just sign them. You have to get to work." He grinned.

I nodded my head and reached for a pen. Why do I get the feeling we just did something bad here? LOL Teresa was right, I do corrupt people.

And that, my friends, was how I went from an E-3 to an E-4. From a Seaman Apprentice to a 3rd class petty officer. Sweet deal.

No sooner did I hit the barber shop when Motown made the announcement. "Did you hear about Sanoki?"

I was getting my area ready for work. "No, what about him?" I responded.

"He went AWOL."

"What?" I gasped. "He went AWOL?"

"Took off to Georgia yesterday after his fire watch." Shorty elaborated from his chair, reading the paper.

"What the hell?" I stammered. Motown was bouncing on his feet and giggling. "I'm telling you, first Torok and now Sanoki, you white boys and pussy, that's a powerful combination right there."

And if the morning didn't start off exciting enough, Burke popped in with an announcement. "Hey, have you heard? We're going to be delayed a month in dry docks."

This interested me. "Say what? A month delay?"

"Yep. We won't be pulling out until September 1st. We'll have a three day test deployment on August 1st, 2nd and 3rd."

"Wait!" I started to freak out. "I'm getting married on the 1st."

"I don't know what to say." He countered. "You can't miss ship's movement."

This wasn't good at all. Not at all. Fortunately, Lori was able to contact the church and was able to reschedule for August 5th. My birthday. Talk about a birthday gift! Most people get presents, cards and maybe money .... I get a wife and kid. *Gulp*

But something was still tugging at me. I couldn't quite explain it. I still can't. I couldn't get that conversation with Lori out of my head. She started acting funny again too. Oh well, maybe it's just all in my head. Tiff was acting funny too. When Lori wasn't around, she was getting more .... shall we say .... playful?

 

 

 

Story Time: Popping The Question

I took her back to Bonnie's the next day, and for the rest of the week, I would get home, take a shower and then go over to hang out with her. Sometimes we would take the kids for ice cream and stuff, but mostly, I just wanted to hang with her. At night, when Bonnie and the kids went to sleep, we would either be laying on the couch making out, or on the front porch. Maybe even take a little walk or something. When Friday arrived, I went and picked her up and brought her back to the apartment where we could be alone. We had such a great time together.

We both knew it wasn't going to last. She was leaving to go back to Michigan on Monday morning, this made that Saturday night a little more special for us. When I took her back to Bonnie's on Sunday, I hung around until about 2 or 3 in the morning again. It was really painful for the both us when I finally had to leave her. We exchanged addresses and we promised each other we would write. I had a sunken feeling in my heart, as expected, when I drove back home. At least I wasn't as torn up about it like I was with Teresa. I will admit that I had a feeling I would see her eventually someday again. But that was never to be. More on this later.

I was dog tired after fire fighting training that day. It was my first day for it. All i wanted to do was sleep so I did as soon as I got home and showered. I hit the bed and was out.

Tuesday night, I got a little restless. I thought about swinging by Bonnie's but figured she could use the break. I also knew it would have been because I was still feeling a bit empty over Julie and would have only been trying to fill that emptiness, and I knew it wouldn't do any good. Only being with Julie would have filled it. I had to get my mind off of her though, and I knew it, so I made a surprise visit to the Golden Saddle to see Lori at work.

She was very surprised to see me when I sat down at the bar. The place was close to being dead, just a handful of customers. She was able to pretty much sit with me for the two beers in which I stayed for. She gave me some good news. "I have this weekend off." She would tell me. "Starting next week, I will be working the first shift with Bonnie."

"What about school?" I asked her.

"I have the whole summer to think about it." She said. "I don't know if I want to go back. I'll work Tuesday through Thursday here, and pull a double on Fridays, but starting this Monday, I will be training with Waylon's accountant to take over when she quits at the end of the summer."

"You're going to quit working the bar at the end of summer?" I was surprised to learn.

"Yep, starting in September, I will be working full time as Waylon's business accountant."

I was happy for her. But no sooner did we end that topic when she started a new one. "Want to go out on another date with me this Saturday?" She winked.

I liked the sound of that. "Oh, so you're asking me out this time?"

She reached over and began rubbing my arm. "I've been thinking a lot about you lately."

Something stirred inside me that night. The look in her eyes and the way she was talking. Things between us has been going well lately. No arguments or fights. An old feeling started paying us both another visit. I responded to her touches accordingly by leaning over and giving her a kiss. Upon release, I had but one question. "What time shall I come by?"

"Oh no," She snapped back, "I am picking you up, mister. And I will be at your place at 7PM sharp. So you better be ready."

I liked the sound of that. In fact, I loved the sound of that.

The rest of that week went quickly. That Thursday night, Taco and Glen swung by to crash at the apartment. Friday night I walked over to the Silver Saddle and had some beers with the boys. A few of them crashed at the apartment that night too, but by 7PM, I was ready to go. Sure enough, she was thirty minutes late. We went to have dinner and some dancing at some Italian place then she drove me back to my place. I was a little suspicious when she asked me to bring her up for a night-cap. "Oh, I see, since you bought me dinner, I have to put out?"

She leaped over into my lap while we were parked. "Put out or get out." She joked. We ended up making out for a few minutes in the car before we took it inside.

Man, did it ever feel so good to be back in her arms. Back in bed with her. That electricity between us in the beginning was still there. That passion. But there was something different about it this time. Something more special I think. We had been through a lot already. I have been through a lot. I don't know what it was, but I could tell I had had enough of the way I was living my life. I wanted things to go back to the way they were. I really didn't want to keep hopping from girl to girl. Maybe that day when we asked each other what we wanted, maybe deep down, I did want to say I wanted her. Well, I was saying it to myself now. Watching her sleeping, I knew what I wanted. There was no doubt about it, I was ready. I was so ready to be the man she was looking for.

I was already cooking breakfast when she woke up and came out from the bedroom in her panties and one of my tee shirts, just a smiling. She walked straight up to me and gave me a hug and kiss before going to the coffee pot. "That was great last night, wasn't it?" She was spilling over with love.

"The best." I answered, still working on those scrambled eggs. She poured her cup and went to sit down at the table, but after placing her cup down, she froze. I could see her from the corner of my eye and I was just a grinning because I knew why she froze like that. She was staring down at the table. "Carroll?" She softly spoke in slight confusion. I didn't answer her. I just stood there in front of the stove still smiling. "Carroll?" She repeated, backing up a couple of feet then pointing at the table. "Carroll, what is that on the table? Carroll?"

I turned the stove off and began to scrape the eggs out of the pan and onto our plates that were also sitting on the table. "You hungry?" I kept ignoring her on purpose. She placed both hands over her mouth. "Carroll, what the hell is that in the middle of the table?"

I took a casual glance at it. "Oh that?" I toyed. I quickly set the empty frying pan on the stove and retrieved the item off the table. "This is just an engagement ring." I said. I opened it and walked up to her. Tears were now beginning to form in her eyes. "I thought maybe if you had some time on your hands," I explained, "that maybe you would consider becoming my wife."

She looked at the ring. She looked at me. She looked at the ring again, and then back at me. "What?"

Okay, so she was falling quickly into shock. I took the ring out, and ditched the case. "Will you give me your hand, please? I wish to put this on your finger if you don't mind."

She extended her hand, trembling terribly. She was visibly shaken. Once I slipped it on her finger, I brought her hand up and kissed it. "Will you marry me?"

She pulled her hand away from me to stare at it. She really was in shock here. She suddenly gave me an answer. "No." She whispered.

My eyes flew open. "No? You don't want to marry me?" I wasn't expecting that. Clearly.

She shook her head. "No, I mean, yes, I will marry you. No, this can't be happening."

I walked up closer and took her into my arms. "It's happening." I said. I kissed her on the forehead. "I love you. I want to marry you."

Suddenly, the shock wore off. She wrapped her arms around me and climbed on board, wrapping her legs around my waist. We came together, lips to lips. I spun her around. She started giggling. "God yes I will be your wife." She uttered. Then screaming in my ear. "I'm getting married!"

Needless to say, that turned out to be a pretty good day. But you wanna know something? It was about time. It really was. I was tired of being alone. I was tired of the drama. I was tired of the bullshit. I did love her. I loved Bernie. So why not? If she was happy, and I was happy, then why the hell not?

We're getting married!

 

 

 

Story Time: End Of Innocence

So it went, while eating dinner, I'll give you one guess who made sure she sat next to me. When it was over, she helped Bonnie with the dishes while I entertained the kids with a board game. When I tried to leave at around 11:00 PM, they kids were all tucked in and everything, and Bonnie herself was going to bed, Julie followed me outside and on the porch, started talking to me, preventing me from actually leaving. So we sat there until about 3 or 4 in the morning, just talking. 

I was so tired that morning. Karen was all packed and ready to go. On my way back out the door to go to my final class for laundry school, I wished her a safe trip. We were standing in the kitchen when a hug was initiated. When we came out of it, we kissed goodbye. It was supposed to be a friendly kiss, but friendly kisses don't last that long, nor are their tongues involved, and they absolutely do not arouse me like this one did. When we came out of it, we both took in a heavy breath.

"Wow, where did that come from?" I asked.

"If only I wasn't married." She whispered.

"If only Sanoki wasn't my friend." I whispered back.

She looked up at me. "I could pretend I'm divorced."

"I could pretend I hate Sanoki." I played along.

We stared at each other before breaking into giggles and simultaneously shook our heads, "Naaaawwww."

By the time I returned from class that evening, it was quiet again. The place was empty. I probably could have gone to sleep, but I really didn't feel like being alone. Plus, I wanted to see Julie again. So I went to Bonnie's. I showed up just in time for a game of Monopoly. By the time 10PM rolled around, we were putting the game away and the kids were being tucked in. I invited everyone to come by my place on Saturday to hang out on the beach and have a cook out. Julie and I went back out to the porch. Once again, we talked for an almost seemingly an endless amount of hours. I could tell she wanted me to kiss her. I think in a way I wanted her to make the first move. We were at a stalemate though, and I left again in the wee hours of the morning.

By around noon, they showed up ready to to go swimming. I fired up the grill and everybody was having a great time. It was around 4 or 5 in the evening when Julie was horse playing with the kids by the oceans edge, and Bonnie and I were sitting in our lawn chairs watching. We were just chit chatting, nothing special really when she called out to them that it was time to go. "Take the kids into the apartment and gather everything up, okay?" She requested. Julie started to comply when she asked the obvious. "We're leaving?"

"Yeah, it's about time."

Julie looked at me real quick and then back at Bonnie. She tilted her head and motioned a signal with her eyes. Bonnie sighed. Apparently, she knew what Julie was saying to her. Finally, Bonnie came right out with it. "Hey, just ask him."

I was taking in this exchange. "Ask me what?" I assumed they were referring to me. I was the only him in the general vicinity at the time.

Bonnie turned her head to me. "She wants to spend the night with you."

Julie was behaving like she was a bit embarrassed or something. I just rolled it off. "I don't care."

Bonnie turned back to Julie. "You see, he doesn't care. Was that so difficult? Now get the kids ready to go for me, sweetie."

She scampered off back to the apartment with the kids while Bonnie and I sat there for a moment. She eventually turned to me. "Her mother is going to kill me if she ever finds out."

"Why?"

"I don't think she would appreciate me turning her daughter over to a squid."

I turned to face her. "That's the first time you ever called me a squid."

"You don't think I know about your reputation?" She told me. I got to my feet and assisted her to hers. "You could always say no." I figured. She laughed that off. "What? And spend the rest of her stay with her hating me? I don't think so."

"You're a good aunt." I said, about to begin our own walk back towards the apartment. Bonnie reached over and grabbed my shoulder, turning me around. She had a pleading look in her eyes. "Don't hurt her, Carroll. Don't break her heart."

I nodded it off. Turning around to resume my walk, I said. "Who are we kidding? She's gonna break mine."

That evening, we watched TV. And we continued to talk some more. There was a shyness about her yet, I could tell she was really into me and little by little, she would inch a little closer while on the couch. About 11Pm, she got a bright idea. "Let's take a walk on the beach?"

So we soon found ourselves walking the beach with a full moon overhead. During this, she reached for and took hold of my hand. The girl must have been really nervous because she was always talking about something. I would just listen and smile. It was obvious that this attraction we had with each other was building up. I was kind of nervous too. I don't know why. There was an innocence about her. I couldn't quite put my finger on it though. It wasn't until we got back in the area of the apartment when I soon found out what it was.

I did learn that she hoped to become a teacher someday. I thought that to be admirable. Through it all, I just found myself at some kind of internal peace with her. I don't know how to explain it. We acted like we were best friends or something and we had just met. I found it somewhat difficult to look her in the face at times. I don't know why. She seemed to be so happy about everything. About life. 

When we finally found ourselves standing in the shadow of my apartment, tt was my turn for a bright idea. "Want to go skinny dipping in the ocean?"

"What?"

"Skinny dipping." I suggested again. I then quickly began to take my clothes off. "Come on, no one is out here, it's just us." I persisted, with a smile.

 "I never been skinny dipping before. What about the sharks?" She was concerned.

"The only shark you need to worry about is me." I winked. Before I knew it, I was naked as  J-bird and running into the water. "Come on!" I encouraged some more. She finally began to remove her clothes.

Once she was nude too, she ran to the water and towards me. We came together laughing and splashing. "You see," I told her, it's not that bad, is it?"

She latched onto me around the neck and wrapped her legs around my waist. "Do you do this often?" She wondered.

I began to remove some hair from her face. 'No, not really."

We stared into each others eyes before succumbing to our urges. Our lips came together, finally! The kiss. Man, she was mining for teeth or something. She was really pressing hard against me. By the time it was over, we kept staring at each other, smiling. "I'm a little nervous." She confessed.

"I promise you, there are no sharks." I tenderly stressed.

She shook that off. "That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?" I asked her.

She leaned into my ear. "I'm still a virgin."

That was it. That's what was eating at me. That was the innocence of her I was picking up on. I started caressing her gently. "We don't have to do anything." I said. "We can just hug and kiss. I'm cool with that."

She smiled wider. "I want to do something."

I caught her meaning. "Okay. It's up to you."

She leaned in again and kissed me. "Let's go back inside."

I recall going slowly with her. I was very gentle. I knew she was nervous, so was I actually, but our passion superseded all of that. When it was over, we laid there, her in my arms and running my fingers through her hair. This is when she made a confession. "I wanted this to happen." I remained quiet as she continued. "Bonnie sent me pictures one day and you were in them. I asked about you. The only reason I wanted to come and visit was to meet you." I remained quiet. I just pulled her closer, falling asleep to her breath on my face.